Hallmark Watch: Haul Out the Holly (2022)

Watched:  11/28/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Maclain Nelson

Selection:  Sorta Jamie/ Sorta Me

Jamie was working on stuffing and rolls for Thanksgiving dinner, and I was cleaning up and doing some Christmas decorating.  And, THAT, friends, is when you put on a Hallmark movie.  

Last year we accidentally watched the sequel to this one (and I forgot to write it up, natch), so, being a pair of curious cats, Jamie and I landed on the original formula: Haul Out the Holly (2022) - now on Netflix.

Here's what I'll say about Haul Out The Holly:  if someone is going to make you watch a Hallmark movie, this is a bad representative of the old archetype and more a reflection of the trends to stop making the same movie over and over.  Like a few from this period, it's trying to be a real movie.  Maybe not a good or memorable movie, but a real comedy with a wacky premise, zany neighbors, and jokes, which is not Hallmark's strong suit.  They do better with movies that are the equivalent of a Glade Plug-In turned up half-way.   But, this movie is just a sort of lo-fi version of an 00's-era Christmas comedy, but so steeped in the very specific idea of what it is, it can just seems unhinged.  And cheerfully unhinged, is, actually the point.  

Ie:  The folks making this knew exactly what they were doing.  

It's also a chance for Chabert to step out from *sincere* Hallmark movies without going 100% meta, and, instead, engage in a wacky comedy, which I am sure she welcomed after laughs in most Hallmark movies that are really a sort of soft, inward smile at best.  And, well, "wacky" comedy.  I did laugh a few times as intended, especially at the neighbor who takes the cookie contest very seriously, played by Melissa Peterman.*  I'm just not sure the jokes are there in quite the way the movie wishes they were, which might be writing, directing, editing... I don't know and don't care.

But every time you think you're about to turn on the movie, the movie leans into the absurdity, and you know - they're just having fun making this dumb movie that doesn't make any sense.

The plot is:  Chabert breaks up with her dopey boyfriend and goes home for Christmas, only to find out her parents aren't just leaving for Florida, they're going on a condo-hunting trip and plan to move away.  Left at her parents' sprawling Salt Lake City McMansion, somehow she's wrapped up in the Christmas Craziness of her parents' street - a place where people practically poop peppermint and Christmas is about ugly sweaters, cookie contests, yard decorations, and basically the higher-end Christmas decorations for one's yard and home.  It has nothing to do with family gatherings, church, presents or anything else.  It's a weird little Christmas-themed cult they've got going, where the HOA President is authorized to cite house guests for inadequate yard nutcrackers.

Chabert left town in part because of her parents' Christmas obsession, but now that she's back, and because she decides she wants to jump the HOA president, she's into it.

Here's the thing - this movie knows how annoying it's own premise is.  But by knowing how nuts it is, they just lean into it more, like a dare.  "Well, you're still here watching this!"

It's... fine?  For what it is?  Chabert makes a curiously good straight man?  

Anyhoo...  It absolutely finished in less than 90 minutes, and I like that.

*who was apparently one of the two hookers from Fargo if you need a blast from the past

Hallmark Watch: A Holiday Engagement (2011)

Watched:  11/26/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:   Jim Fall

So, I've always wondered why Hallmark used the model they did, of sort of hoarding all of their hundreds of Christmas movies for the their three cable channels.  And, I think. they have an app or streaming service.  But I kinda think signing up for a Hallmark app is for the folks who are a particular breed of cat.  

Now, they've dumped an insane number of these movies on Amazon, YouTube and Netflix.  Jamie was looking for something else and realized this, and as we were doing some Christmas decorating, she randomly picked one, and this is what we got.

The movie is from 2011, so it's an interesting snapshot in time for Hallmark's continual evolution.  They have name-actors, but in supporting roles.  Shelley Long is a major character as the mom who seems like she's entertaining notions about how a a woman plans her future that last got updated in 1961.  It's a thankless role.  Sam McMurray - who you know from everything - is the dad, who is a two note joke, and gets away with cashing a paycheck for just mugging a bit.  Salute.  Haylie Duff appears and you absolutely wonder why she's not the star every time she wanders onto the screen.  A pre-Vice Principals/ Righteous Gemstones Edi Patterson steals the early part of the movie as the star's much more engaging friend.  I wanted to watch her movie, not what we got.  Also - Jan Brady shows up for two shots trying to steal a wedding dress.  

Western Watch: Barricade (1950)

she's so cheery about whatever the hell is happening back there

Watched:  11/26/2024

Format:  TCM

Viewing:  First

Director:  Peter Godfrey

TCM was running a day of Ruth Roman movies.  I am but a simple man, so I recorded a couple of the Ruth Roman films I hadn't yet seen - leading to this viewing of Barricade (1950).  

Based on the Jack London story The Sea Wolf, but transported to a gold mine in the west, there sure seems like this has the makings of something that could have been good - even thought provoking.  But, it is not.  I don't even know why it's called Barricade.  There's kinda some barricades in, like, one scene.  But it's not a plot point, and I don't think there's a metaphor here...  It's just called "Barricade".  And Ruth Roman is not big enough by far to barricade anything.

What's odd is that this movie seems like it has high aspirations, but just feels weird and flat throughout.  Maybe I'm just not a Dane Clark fan, or I don't think Raymond Massey was as compelling as the script was begging him to be.  And I was tricked!  Because the movie starts with a scene in which Roman shows up dressed as a lady, getting off of a wagon, and when you find out she's a wanted prison escapee, she kicks a dude over and steals the 6-horse wagon.  It is the best part of the movie.  I briefly had high hopes.

Anyway, there's an accident and she and the other passenger on the wagon end up stranded in a remote gold mine where the crooked boss runs the place with an odd, intellectual cruelty, crushing everyone around him - as he mostly hires people looking to hide from the law.

While Roman and Dane Clark fall for each other, the travelling companion, Robert Douglas, spars verbally with Raymond Massey, the boss.  

I dunno.  It's... fine.  I think the 6.0/ 10 rating on IMDB sounds right.  It's not horrible, but I won't think about this movie again until I'm looking at old posts or IMDB in the future.  Roman is the only real highlight of the film.  I just don't think Dane Clark is all that exciting as a leading man here or in the other things where I've seen him, and Robert Douglas is... fine.  But feels perfunctory in the part.  

It happens.  Even the wikpedia entry on this movie is basically "yes, this movie exists".  

Noir-adjacent Watch: Hangover Square (1945)

Watched:  11/25/2024

Format:  Kino BluRay

Viewing:  Second?

Director:  John Brahm

We previously watched this movie.

If I were going to program a series of movies and those movies were *about* (at least in part) music, I'd feel compelled to include Hangover Square (1945).  And I think I'd really manage to freak out the squares with this oddball character study/ thriller.  

Apparently the movie had a long road from book to screenplay to how it was finally shot and made.  It was also the final movie of Laird Cregar, one of the most promising actors of the 1940's, who died before this movie was released - a heart-attack brought on from a speed-fueled crash diet, intestinal issues from his attempts to lose weight, and other factors.  He was only 31.

Along the way, the book - which took place in modern London - was changed into a gaslight-era story about a composer, and almost nothing of the source material remained except the title.  Part of me is horrified for the original author, part of me knows this is basic studio mechanics, and part of me quite likes the final result.  So....

It's a bit of an odd movie because I'm not sure it has a "hero".  It has a protagonist you follow, but out of morbid curiosity.  After all, we know he is a killer in the first 30 seconds of the film - it's that no one else knows or wants to believe it.  So what happens when he's left free?  And gets cross-wise with a conniving songbird who is a walking red flag in the shape of Linda Darnell?

The score of the film is phenomenal, culminating in a diegetic performance of the concerto Cregar's character has been working on since before the film's start, The Concerto Macabre.  

The concerto is worked into the film throughout, as is the use of fire, pits, and other signs of Cregar's character's madness.  I really don't know how to talk about Bernard Hermann's work without gushing, or this one in particular.

And Cregar, himself is pretty terrific.  This may be his finest role in a very brief, very impressive slate before his untimely death.  He's sympathetic, even while you're screaming at the other characters to knock it off or stop him.  

I also think Darnell is at the height of her powers here.  Gorgeous, crafty, acting for the benefit of other characters while the audience knows what's up, and not making it cheesy...    And, ultimately, iron willed about what she wants and how to get it...  

oh no.  I've accidentally posted a pic of Linda Darnell.

Anyway - it's a dated portrait of mental illness that treats it a bit like a magical curse, but is pretty good nonetheless.  And manages two of the best scenes I've seen in a movie in recent years, with the Guy Fawkes sequence, and the finale, which I think is how real filmmakers should end a movie (more fire, you cowards).

At a tight 77 minutes, it's a complete story that rides like a roller coaster, ending in a huge twist and turnover at the end.  

I guess my pitch is this:  If the factors in a movie are imagery, sound and performances - they surely line up incredibly well in this movie.  That it stars two actors who died young and tragically, and that this likely got lost a bit in the shuffle as the war wrapped up may be why it's chattered about with a subset of film nerds, but not more in the conversation.  It was also not universally beloved when it came out - so maybe it just hits my sensibilities particularly well.

Holiday Watch: Hot Frosty (2024)

Watched:  11/24/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jerry Ciccoritti

Selection:  Jamie

Every Christmas, we're inundated not just with Hallmark-style Christmas films - we also get a few comedies, many which that involve some straight up magic as the premise.  After all, it is Christmas, and Christmas includes Heat Misers and flying reindeer and Mariah Carey.

But those Christmas comedies are not always winners.  Last year, I nominated two magical Christmas comedies for some of the worst films I'd seen all year.  Those included Genie and my selection for worst of 2023, Candy Cane Lane.  So I am not just easily in the bag for anything that comes along, Christmas-wise.  (I do remember liking parts of Dashing Through the Snow, but that may have just been Teyonah Parris smiling on screen).

Mostly, this movie made me happy for Lacey Chabert, who accidentally fell backward into being the second-most-popular Hallmark star, and then was promoted to full-Hallmark status when Candace Cameron Bure decided Hallmark was now too woke for her.*

Chabert had been kind of pushing the envelope at Hallmark the last few years, finding movies that didn't exactly fit the Hallmark mold as we knew it.  Haul Out the Holly, por ejemplo, was an attempt to just do a plain 'ol family comedy.  It even has Gen X's favorite Ned, Stephen Tobolowsky.  

Hot Frosty (2024) is a leap into a straight, goofy comedy, as evidenced by some of the casting, from Schitt's Creek's Dustin Milligan to Katy Mixon Greer, who I particularly loved in Eastbound and Down.  I also was delighted to see Lauren Holly show up (and she was really funny, as pre-usual).  And, lastly, if you don't know Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truligio, well...  your life is a poor shell of an existence and I pity you.  

Christmas Watch: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (2024)

Watched:  11/23/2024

Format:   Cinepolis Theater

Viewing:  First

Director:  Dallas Jenkins

Selection:  KareBear

So, yes.  This was not entirely my idea. 

The book which inspired the film The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (2024) was a staple in our household while I was growing up.  In it's way, the book was as familiar as Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary for me (I can't speak for Steanso).  But I honestly haven't revisited the book in decades or seen the older movie version with Loretta Swit.  But every Christmas, whether it's at church with my folks or watching someone at the Vatican read scripture, when they get to the right part, I think of Gladys yelling "Hey!  Unto you a child is born!"

For context - While growing up, we were very involved in any church we attended, and my mom, The KareBear, ran the Sunday School at a couple of them.*   My mom's perennial draw to the book likely stemmed from seeing herself in several roles in the book - from the hard-scrabble kid growing up figuring things out, to the pious girl who loves church (our narrator, Beth), and culminating in herself as the overextended mom running a Christmas Pageant wherein things are not ideal.  

I'll admit, from the kid participant perspective in Christmas pageants - this thing lands.  (My earliest memories include my mom making me be an angel in a Vacation Bible School production and having to explain to me that angels are also dudes despite the felt-craft imagery I'd seen to date.)

And, lo, this fall my mother declared that *all she she wanted for Christmas* was for the fam to gather and go see the movie.  So, last night my folks (The Admiral and KareBear), Jamie, Steanso, Cardboard Belts and the kids all went to the theater and caught the film.  

Hallmark Watch: A Very Merry Mix-Up (2013)

Watched:  11/22/2024

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First?

Director:  Jonathan Wright

Ah, the Golden Age of Hallmark.  If you weren't a city-gal falling for a simple boy from...  somewhere else even 45% more rural?...  were you even Christmassing?  This one is still from the Hallmark era of Actresses I Knew From Other Things Picking Up A Quick Paycheck.  And, to wit, Alicia Witt is our star.  

In this movie, Witt plays the world's perkiest depressed girl.  In the wake of her father's passing, she's running his antiques business - right into the ground.  While she has no visible traffic in her shop, she also won't find time to organize the store, do her books, or do much but stand in place behind the counter.  She seems to have no friends and her mother has left.  She's dating a guy who openly has contempt for her, and seems to have picked her because she'll agree to whatever, like a real life Sim.

She is unwell.

Her man is, of course, Business Man.  And that is bad.  Because business.  City.  Cell phone.  He is bad.  Even if, you know, he's rightfully pointing out that she's running her dad's business into the ground.  That is bad.  Do not point out the inevitable failure.  He proposes to her stupidly and publicly, and for reasons, she agrees, because depression is a wild ride, I guess. He then tells her she's flying to meet his family, and he'll catch up.  And she does this.

The titular very merry mix-up occurs as Witt is a moron who meets another moron and neither realizes the other's story doesn't match, and she just leaves the airport with this guy and goes to his house, believing he's the brother of her fiancée.  Btw, she's never even heard her fiancée has a brother also, btw, (friends, do not go with a stranger just saying things that sound vaguely comforting to a second location).  

She, of course, falls for the brother because we can't quite do While You Were Sleeping, but we can come close!  And she loves Christmas, and... get this... so does he!  The brother, Matt, is not much of an actor, and you can feel Witt just over-caffeinating herself to get some energy out of their scenes, because she's, like, good and stuff, and kind of stuck in this movie.

Anyway - she figures out she has the wrong house and goes to the right house, and Business Man's family is hilarious.  Yes, they suck, but that sucking is by far the best part of the movie.  It's Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf about to break out at any moment. 

Knowing Witt is ruining her dad's business, Business Man (a) finds a way for her to sell the property for $3.5 million, and then (b) offers to help her set up in another spot a couple of blocks over.  Yes, this will benefit him, too.  Which is something that would help her, is she's marrying him.  It's the definition of win-win.  Yet...  Witt, who thinks owning a business is about nostalgia for one's childhood and not feeding oneself, gets mad and breaks up with Business Man, refusing the deal.  

She gets back with dumb-dumb.  The End.

This is a movie about dumb, sweet people belonging together.  There's worse things. I think they'll likely be bankrupt within a year, but okay.

The movie is full of gigantic plotholes, the main character seems traumatized and that goes undiagnosed (and I worry for her).  It's dumb things happening so movie will happen. It hits all the Hallmark waypoints.  City bad.  Business bad.  Not Business Man good.  Wise old relative.  Stupid stories about the past.  Decorating a tree too close to Christmas.  

It was good to go back and see one of these Classic Formula movies, and I do miss them starring someone famous for something outside of being in Hallmark movies.  

Anyway, if you want to buy me the Alicia Witt Christmas record, I won't complain.  

Witt is, of course, a stone cold fox, which makes this easier to watch.

Happy Birthday, JLC

Happy Birthday to one of our patron saints, Jamie Lee Curtis, my second favorite Jamie after the one who lives in my house.

A terrific actor who has starred in great movies, and through sheer JLC'ness, made some movies great -  She's a great interview subject, and someone who seems to embrace the work she does in a way that's inspiring.

And her work in The Bear is some of the best acting I've seen on planet Earth.

May she have a fantastic birthday.

De Palma Watch: Blow Out (1981)

Watched:  11/21/2024

Format:  Criterion 4K

Viewing:  third

Director:  Brian De Palma

De Palma is a fascinating subject himself in so many ways.  He bows at the alter of Hitchcock, he works within frameworks that are uniquely his own - and *boy howdy* are they on display here.  He seems to think the only way to get people to show up for the movie on time is a surplus of nudity before the action begins.  I'm not sure he writes great characters, but he does keep you engaged with plot and ideas.

Here in 2024, I don't know if I like watching his movies because I like a thriller, or if I like watching De Palma do his thing and try to puzzle it out.  Why not both, I guess?

I've started getting 4K discs, and... holy cats, was this a good movie for that.  Shot by Vilmos Zsigmond (check out this IMDB page), and with a healthy dash of De Palma's weirdo split focus (via bioptic lenses) and split screen stuff...  but, the depth of field, the gorgeous lighting, wild camera angles...  

Noirvember Watch: On Dangerous Ground (1951)

Watched:  11/20/2024

Format:  Criterion

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Nicholas Ray - w/ Ida Lupino

It's a Noirvember to Remember, and I am way behind on my noir intake.  I am also way behind on my Ida Lupino intake, in general.  

I'd watched this one previously on Noir Alley, and liked it pretty well.  On a second viewing, I think I appreciated it more - likely because I knew where and how Lupino was showing up, and I wasn't halfway through a movie wondering where the hell the co-star was.

I can't always account for how some movies stick with you, but certainly the imagery in this movie has come back to me in ways I wasn't really expecting from the first time I saw the movie.  The film moves between a post-war noir setting of urban squalor to the snowy mountains of Colorado, shot on location.  Ryan in his city-cop coat chasing down our killer in two sequences against the natural backdrop is something.  As is the darkened cottage where where Lupino lives, with her tactile posts to guide her through her own home.

It doesn't hurt that both Ryan and Lupino are memorable in almost any role.