Angry Animal Watch: The Meg (2018)

Watched:  08/31/2024

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Turtletaub

A while back, SimonUK and I covered this movie in an episode that gave me false belief for what our numbers were going to be at The Signal Watch PodCast.  Just 16 episodes in, and it really took off, with folks enjoying the lively debate over a movie that featured a large shark and Statham.

I think, on a second viewing, I'm much more sympathetic to Simon's point-of-view.  You can absolutely see what this movie could/ should have been, and instead, it's a bit of a toothless exercise in never giving you quite what you want out of a movie about a large shark causing problems for people.

My suspicion, then and now, is that the film had a heavy infusion of Chinese money - which is how we got Li Bingbing as the costar alongside Statham - a setting off the coast of China, and a movie that met Chinese censorship rules with no problem.  

What this movie needed to do was be a bloody mess.  It was not.  

The closest I can compare is if you had a Friday the 13th movie and Jason just kept wandering through Camp Crystal Lake, and the counselors kept yelling "there he is" and running away, occasionally falling into potholes to their death.  And when Jason came upon a mess hall full of campers he just walked through the middle, doing no harm.

Statham clearly wishes he was in a different film and he and Bingbing have almost zero chemistry for a movie that wants them to have hints of romance - but it just doesn't make sense in the middle of a crisis where people are dying around you to fall for someone, even a someone with great hair and make-up like Bingbing, or a head like a battering ram like Statham.  

The movie continually *hints* that we'll get the carnage some of us were hoping for.  They knock off a pair of whales.  There's menacing shots of a shark in the sea.  But when it comes to bumping off the horrendous Ruby Rose, no dice.  

Because water is largely a void, they also have a very hard time showing how big the shark is, which is largely the point of the film.  And so it can seem the shark is whatever size the shark is in that moment.

There are neat vehicles and ideas in the movie, but the certainty that Statham and Bingbing will be fine shades everything else.  

Weirdly, my favorite bits in this movie include elementary-school aged children, one of them a main character, one of them a boy who is probably more like me at that age than I care to admit, floating stupidly in the water with a popsicle.  

I'm not even sure this is in a top 10 shark movies category.  It's fine.  But it doesn't hold up super well on a second viewing, even years apart.  But it is good "let's sit and talk over this movie" movie.

Summer Classic Angry Animal Watch: Jaws (1975)

Watched:  07/20/2024

Format:  Peacock

Viewing:  ha ha ha 

Director:  Some kid named "Spielberg"

This was our regular summer viewing of Jaws (1975), and, once again, I enjoyed it.  It's a favorite of Jamie's, so when she declares It Is Time, I am happy to join her in a screening.

The first stray thought I had during the movie this time: as we live in a world where a CG shark can be shown from any angle, and as much and as often as you can afford, it isn't just that Spielberg only shows the shark in this movie a minimal amount that keeps the tension.  I agree with that idea.  But ALSO: what makes it work is that you only see the shark from the human point of view.  

The plane of the water is opaque in this movie, and until a fin or a barrel indicates where our monster is - we're blind to our finny friend's location, size, etc...  

With CGI, the temptation is there to say "let's show what the shark is doing *now*" or "show the shark swimming around".  But this movie couldn't do that.  There's minimal footage of the real sharks used underwater - and even then, the major use of those shots is when Hooper is scuba diving and has broken the plane of the water.  It's his POV.

I don't know what Spielberg would do in the 21st Century with magical movie boxes that can give him whatever he wants, but after watching my fair share of angry animal movies, I think maybe keeping the camera where human eyes would be (and, yes, those shark POV shots) is a pretty good way to go.

Anyway - maybe less is more?  And you can still use CGI for your shark, but just don't break that plane in your new shark movie.  Put people on the water and keep using CGI to erase other boats and distracting elements.  

The second stray thought was "wow, the politicians willing to risk lives and demand normalcy sure hits different now".  

Angry Animal Watch: Under Paris (2024)

Watched:  06/05/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Xavier Gens

It is summer, and, thusly, it is time for me to watch movies about animals attacking/ eating people.

As of last night, I knew what my first two films would be, and who am I to say *no* to a movie about sharks in the Seine?  Yes, this is a French shark movie, and, ooo la la..! vive la difference!

Under Paris (2024) seems to be a not-good movie for most of its 1:45 or so runtime.  There's a pretty great scene around the 56 minute mark, and then it slows down again.  And then the ending is absolutely baller, and that's where the budget went.  

Here's the thing: the ending honestly surprised me - in a good way.  If you can hang in there, I think there's an interesting movie here, but it's not the one you're watching for the first 85 minutes or so.  

The basic deal is an intensely tropey set-up if you've ever seen a monster movie or shark movie.  

A scientific expedition at the Pacific Garbage Patch which is looking for a particular shark goes sideways when it turns out there are many sharks, and they are hangry.  Sophia, our lead, is one of two survivors, and, gang, it will surprise you to find out she is haunted by what happened.

Shark Watch: Sharknado 4 - The Fourth Awakens (2016)

Watched:  05/04/2024

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Anthony C. Ferrante

So, in honor of May the 4th, which is the day everyone says "ha ha, May the Fourth be with you" - I made Jamie, Dug and K watch Sharknado 4: The Fourth Awakens because I am that guy.  

It is not a real movie, it's a Sharknado.  And I think there's something fascinating about where we were at as movie consumers, what the SyFy channel could afford, and -in particular- the movies made by The Asylum, and how all that led to the first Sharknado movie.  And people forget this, but Mia Farrow's delighted real-time tweets helped make Sharknado a thing the night of the first broadcast, took that lightning in a jar and held it up for all to see.

In the decades years prior to Sharknado the First, SyFy had given up on making *good* programs, discovering the might of things like a Mansquito and Giant Shark movies, which were mostly Z-list actors standing around talking about the creature at hand, but rarely seeing it.  Because seeing the creature cost money.  The Asylum rode this wave by producing an ever evolving array of usually very-large animals to attack submarines or campers.  And there was often a straight-to-video component of the company that was making off-brand versions of whatever was coming to the cinema.  Transmorphers.  Shurlock Homes.  You get the idea.  But all cheap and cheerful.

PodCast 240: "Deep Blue Sea" (1999) - an Angry Animals podcast with Jamie, SimonUK y Ryan

Watched:  04/14/2027

Format:  HBO?

Viewing:  second

Decade:  1990's

Director:  Renny Harlin

For more ways to listen

SimonUK takes Jamie and Ryan to the darkest depths of late 90's sci-fi horror action so they can all take a bite out of a film that's a little fishy. Join us as we flap our jaws discussing sharks with engineering degrees, sea bases of dubious design, that old chestnut of imitating better films, and neat-o puppets.

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 240: "Deep Blue Sea" (199) - an Angry Animals podcast with Jamie, SimonUK y Ryan

YouTube

Music:

Main Title - Trevor Rabin, Deep Blue Sea OST

Deepest Bluest - LL Cool J

The Angry Animals Playlist

The Signal Watch PodCast · Angry Animals

PodCast 230: "Jaws 3-D" (1983) - An Angry Animal Movie w/ Jamie, SimonUK and Ryan

Watched:  01/22/2023

Format:  AMazon

Viewing: First

Decade:  1980s

Director:  Joe Alves

For more ways to listen

Jamie, SimonUK and Ryan go back in the water - at Sea World! It's been 40 years since this 3D film hit theaters, so what better way to watch it than in 2D with 1/10th the excitement of the original, and 2x the co-contributors?!! It's a sequel that doesn't care what made the first one work, but it raises the stakes, finds a sunnier locale, adds sharks, half-heartedly continues the saga of the Brody family, and defies biology and physics to bring you excitement and terror!

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 230: "Jaws 3-D" (1983) - An Angry Animal Movie w/ Jamie, SimonUK and Ryan

YouTube

Music:

Jaws 3 Main Title Theme - Alan Parker 

Angry Animals Playlist

The Signal Watch PodCast · Angry Animals

Shark Watch: Jaws 2 (1978)

Watched:  06/21/2021

Format:  Amazon Streaming

Viewing: First

Decade:  1970's

Director:  Jeannot Szwarc

I've seen the original Jaws probably 20 times, but as part of my day waiting for the AC repairman, and as yesterday was the 46th anniversary of the release of Jaws, I figured... maybe give that sequel a spin?

Jaws 2 (1978) arrived 3 years after the original, and had some of the band still in place.  Scheider and Lorraine Gary reprised their roles, as well as Murray Hamilton as Mayor Vaughn, our canary in the coal mine that politicians don't actually have to worry about disasters or deaths they cause through incompetence so long as people refuse to ever admit maybe the voted for the wrong person.  

Screenwriter Carl Gottlieb is back, as well as the same producers David Brown and Richard Zanuck.  Even John Williams.

But, yeah, it's not Spielberg.  Instead we got Jeannot Szwarc, who you may say:  what else did he do?

PODCAST: "Jaws" (1978) - Fourth of July Cinema w/ SimonUK, Jamie and Ryan

Watched:  06/24/2020
Format:  BluRay
Viewing: ha!
Decade:  1970's
Director: Steven Spielberg

For more ways to listen - Podcast options


Something's fishy as we discuss one of the first megablockbusters. It's a Signal Watch Summer Spectacular as we discuss a movie with teeth! Bite down on Spielberg's first smash hit, while we chum the waters with more than an hour of chatter that'll have you wishing you brought a bigger podcast player.

The Signal Watch PodCast · 109: "Jaws" (1978) - SimonUK Cinema Series w/ Jamie & Ryan

Music:
Jaws Main Title - John Williams, Jaws OST
Out to Sea - John Williams, Jaws OST


Simon Playlist

The Signal Watch PodCast · SimonUK Cinema Series

PODCAST! "Jaws: The Revenge" (1987) - a Signal Watch Holiday Roundtable w/ SimonUK, Jamie and Ryan!

Watched:  11/22/2019
Format:  DVD
Viewing:  First
Decade:  1980's

(mildly NSFW) SimonUK, Jamie and Ryan hold a holiday roundtable to discuss "Jaws: The Revenge", which, for reasons unknown, takes place at Christmas. Join us as we puzzle through the chapter in the Jaws saga no one asked for, added psychic powers, Michael Caine, and a plot that doesn't even bother to make sense.




Holidays 2019



Holidays 2018

Jamie Watch: Santa Jaws (2018)

Watched:  12/23/2018
Format:  DVR from SyFy
Viewing:  2nd
Decade:  2010

Before I forget, we rewatched Santa Jaws (2018) while Jamie's brother and sister-in-law (The Dug and K) were in town. 

Shark Watch: The Last Sharknado (it's the 6th and final Sharknado)

Watched:  08/22/2018
Format:  DVR from SyFy
Viewing:  First
Decade:  2010's

Well, it's all over with.  No more Sharknadoes.

PODCAST! SHARK-WATCH! "The Meg" (2018) viewed by SimonUK and Ryan

Watched:  08/16/2018
Format:  Alamo Village w/ SimonUK
Viewing: first
Decade:  2010's

SimonUK and Ryan venture out to the local cinema to go see a movie about a really big shark.  Opinions differ!  Points of view are considered!  Puking and laughing simultaneously is considered as a desirable outcome!  Who knew one toothy sea creature could create such discord with our reviewers?  But we can all agree - Jason Statham is in this movie.

For more options where to get your Signal Watch PodCast fix:

Christmas Shark Watch! SANTA JAWS (2018)

Watched:  08/14/2018
Format:  Watched live on SyFy
Viewing:  First!
Decade:  2010's

You know, every once in a while it feels like the universe says "hey, let's do Ryan a solid and just make something exactly the way he'd like it."

Shark Watch: Sharknado 4 - The Fourth Awakens

It's never quite been the same since the first Sharknado movie appeared on TV like a bolt out of the blue.  Yes, it was absurd, it starred sharks, it featured actors whose careers had seemingly jumped the... shark.  In those weird years where the SyFy network decided it was all about post-Corman D-level movies with C to Z-list actors, and movie after movie about man vs. monster was released into the wilds of basic cable - those movies - which never took themselves seriously - also usually came with a reduced sense of humor and never quite, exactly, seeing how absurd they could get.

And then came Sharknado.

Shark Watch: Sharknado 3

I don't know how you people are wasting your life, but here's how I'm wasting mine:

Thursday evening saw the broadcast of Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, the third installment in the Sharknado franchise which seems like it started a million years ago, but, no, apparently began in 2013.

The first Sharknado movie I caught on the 10:00 PM rebroadcast after twitter blew up and piqued my curiosity.  I hadn't initially tuned in, as the matching of the SyFy Network, slumming actors and sharks was absolutely nothing new.  For good or ill, I can't tell you how many shark-related Asylum films I've seen on the network, but it's been way, way more than I should really be talking about if I want to retain any credibility, anywhere.

In the end, the combo of clearly-not-quite-recovered actress Tara Reid, world's best sport Ian Ziering, veteran actor John Heard, and a water spout full of sharks making its way across LA was, indeed, chicken soup for the soul.

Shark Watch: Jaws (1975)

I kind of said everything I had to say about Jaws (1975) the other night, but hadn't had opportunity to watch the movie.  Apparently my post readied Jamie for a viewing, so I popped a disc in the ol' DVD player and gave it a whirl.

Not much else to add, so, enjoy your own screening.  Or don't.  I don't know why you wouldn't.  It's a pretty good movie.

Of course, you can't go wrong with the sequel.

Spielberg's "Jaws" at 40

I'm on the road for work (hello, Houston!), and am not going to be watching any movies or be doing much reading, so I thought I'd write something up on the 40th Anniversary of one of my favorite movies, the 1975 Spielberg directed shark opus, Jaws.

I didn't fall in love with Jaws until college.  Frankly, I can't say I'm sure if I saw it all the way through until then.  There was some sunny afternoon where I was drinking beer with my brother discussing the movie and realizing, "you know, that really is a hell of a movie when you think about it."  And I picked up the DVD at some point, but hell if I know where it is now.

Of course I love the fact that Jaws plays on cable each summer almost as much as the Vacation movies.  It's the perfect summer movie, especially for those of us who kind of need a push to get to water that isn't a public pool.  Jamie's a big fan, too, so she'll always take in a viewing if that's what we're doing.

Like A Doll's Eyes - Quint's Monologue

As we head toward Memorial Day, a day of remembering our fallen soldiers here in the US, and as we cross the threshold into summer (at least here below the the Mason-Dixon Line), I am already pondering not if, but when, I will watch Jaws this summer.

I can't remember the last time I saw a movie with a monologue, a real monologue, included.  I don't suppose the kids these days would sit for a full two or three minutes of somebody just, you know, talking, without pulling out their cell phones and texting away.  But this is from an era of filmmaking that wasn't entirely about avoiding risk, perhaps the only serious era where this occurred at the studios.

No matter how many time I watch it, Robert Shaw's speech about the sinking of the Indianapolis still hits me.  Its a terrific bit of film writing and an amazing performance to match, all carried by the extremely young Steven Spielberg behind the camera.



The sinking of the Indianapolis as described by Shaw's character Quint was all too real, the details of which had only been released to the public in the few years previous to when Jaws hit theaters, and not many had heard the story.

Clearly the speech sets the motivation for Quint, that its far more than about the $10,000 plus expenses, and it gives the film's primordial man vs. nature premise a bent that supersedes Brody's duty and Hooper's scientific curiosity.  And, in many ways, despite tying the film to World War II, it also manages to decouple the film from a 70's creature movie, placing it alongside Melville as a seafaring journey, a sort of tale of revenge against the very sea that gives the character meaning.

Memorial Day isn't just about car sales or a day off.

1100 men went in the water, 316 men come out.  The sharks took the rest.  June the 29th, 1945.

SHARK WEEK!!!!

Hi, how are ya?

There are many ways to approach the annual event on the Discovery Channel known as Shark Week. One can ignore it. One can get angry that other people are enjoying the sharks (Randy). One can enjoy a ceaseless array of documentaries detailing nature's most perfect killing machine. One can declare sharks the new monkeys or pirates or bacon or whatever.

As a kid, I watched the heck out of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom (which led me to believe Omaha was an exotic place and Mutual of Omaha a totally cool company), and I watched a hell of a lot of Jacques Cousteau. I was born the year of the release of Jaws, and so sharks were sort of in the zeitgeist while we were growing up. Jason and I checked out the same shark books repeatedly at the library. We owned a few shark books. We had at least two action figure sets that I can remember which were about nothing but sea-exploring,* which really meant shark watching.


If this is how I go out, just know that my last thought was "THIS IS SO AWESOME"

Collecting shark facts wasn't that uncommon for us kids growing up. They could smell blood from a mile away. Their noses could sense electrical impulses. if you checked the contents of their stomach, you could find everything in there from fish, to a license plate to half a dog. Sharks had rows of teeth.

So, in short, I was pre-disposed to an interest in sharks. They were enormous, relentless things that wanted to eat me, and they were there, just beneath the waves.

Discovery Channel seemed to pioneer the best footage of sharks you were likely to see. I actually remember the first Shark Week I watched circa the summer or 1992. The KareBear had left town, and it was me, Jason and The Admiral left behind, and every night I'd watch a different shark documentary. And it was awesome.

My interest has waxed and waned over the years. I still like a good aerial stunt from a Great White taking out a seal. But, you know, a whole week is a lot of sharks.

This year, I'm watching some of Discovery Channel's Shark Week, as well as hitting both the Jaws documentary The Shark is Still Working and a screening of Jaws at the Ritz.



So, anyway, I think to over explain Shark Week is to over explain anything that comes on TV. Why do you like baseball? Law & Order? How can you watch anything on TV with roughly the same subject?

I dunno. The sharks are interesting. Always have been. Always will be. Watching humans interact with sharks, or watching sharks hunt, travel, leap out of the sea? All good stuff.

So, happy Shark Week, everybody.



*It occurs to me that a lot of the sharks we had that we used to play with these toys must have been cheap rubber sharks from the bin at the grocery.

But we totally had these sets:

That's a Lot of Robert Shaw: Black Sunday, Pelham 1-2-3 and the 70's

So, I accidentally went to go see Black Sunday on... Sunday.


Or it could be exactly right now, when I think I'm about to watch "Giant".

And this evening headed back to the Paramount to see The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3.


These guys who dress like your PeePaw? Armed hostage takers.

Both films star Robert Shaw, one of those actors people say great things about, but I think I'd previously only ever seen as Quint in Jaws (one of the best movies, ever. Yes it is. Shut up.). He's great in both as two very different characters. And I can't believe someone decided to replace the guy with Travolta in last year's remake (which I didn't see).

Look, I really wish I liked more new movies, but looking at this summer's offerings, "Iron Man", "Toy Story 3" and "Inception" are about it for me. That's 2 sequels (one of which is based on a 50-year-old property), and one by Nolan, who had me at Memento. But then I read this...

Richard Donner’s original Superman heavily influenced Nolan during the production of Batman Begins: “I literally pitched the studio my take on Batman by saying I wanted to make the Batman film that had never been made in 1978 or 1979.” He was taken by the notion of “an extraordinary hero in an ordinary world.”

Of course, any geek who went through film school recognizes 70's-era film making for being a watershed era in film making. Sure, much of it was low-budget, but the studios were losing so much market share to television and, I guess, 8-tracks and people caring for their pet rocks, that they started just letting the wild-eyed beatniks in their midst run around and make some pretty darn great movies.

I mean, no, they didn't create something as great as G-Force, but...

The 70's gave us The Godather, Star Wars, The Deer Hunter, Annie Hall, All the President's Men, Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now and dozens and dozens of other influential movies. It gave us a naturalistic style to movies, more organic storytelling, tougher material and Pam Grier.


women like Ms. Grier are into tubby comic geeks, right?

Anyway, that's not to say that the 70's wasn't laden with awfulness, too. For every "Godfather Part II" there were 4 "Xanadu" clones, 6 hacky slasher movies, 4 movies about "feelings" or some junk, and 3 movies about people driving around in Southern California doubling for a drive across America, and wearing ugly pants.

However, I live in the future, where we've weeded out the crummy 70's movies, and I don't have to watch them (don't have to, but it happens, anyway). It's sort of how... when I was in film school and some turtle-neck wearing jerk would lament that everything they made in France was sooooo much better than American film, I would ask them if they really thought we were getting the French equivalent of Major Payne imported stateside (because the French are idiots, too, and somehow that means they're making their own "Major Payne").

Anyhow, The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 is a movie that's been imitated endlessly at this point, but you can't help but appreciate how well cast they made the movie, how New York feels like a lived in place, and that at no point do we get bogged down in some subplot about any character's children, romance, etc... There's more than enough story there without Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock falling in love during the disaster.

Plus, you have to love Walter Matthau.

Black Sunday still works, and will feel relevant until, I suppose, we have peace in the Middle East and we quit worrying about domestic terrorism (and Bruce Dern).

I'd say the mvoie could handle a remake, but a remake would wind up starring Shia LeBouf as the war-weary Israeli soldier. And the fact that anyone is willing to hire Shia LeBouf, and put millions of dollars behind LeBouf, and count on the fact that millions of people want to watch LeBouf for two hours at a time... that is exactly why most movies fail.

That said, I think we're due for another wave of new and better stuff. This summer's offerings have been, frankly, disappointing. The past year had little to offer that didn't have the word "Twilight" in the title. I hear from Troubles, who knows these things, that the box office is having a tough time of it this summer (Iron Man 2 has done okay at $230 million or so, but that's a far cry from Batman's $1 billion).

When the studio execs quit trying to throw the same junk at the wall and essentially give up on what they know and let young producers risking their skin to make it big try new things, as they did in the 70's (and to an extent, in the 1990's), the pay off is generally in folks taking the creative chances that can payoff in better movies.

Unfortunately, someone has to tell Hollywood that "we're releasing it in 3D!" is not making new and better product, per se. And that I now have 1500 channels.

In the meantime, I will keep spending my clams at The Paramount and watching movies that came out before I was born.