The Signal Watch Presents: Favorite Movies of 2024

This is part three of my yearly rundown of the movies of the prior year.  

Here's the movies I liked least of the movies I watched in 2024.  

Here's a breakdown of the films I watched in 2024.  

Before you ask me "Did you watch (name of movie)?", you can check this handy spreadsheet for what I watched and when.

So, here's the ground rules (before y'all start complaining):

These are The Best movies *to me*.  Thus, they were my favorite movies in 2024.  These used to be The Krypto Awards, but I got tired of photoshopping pictures of Krypto.

I'm not going to pretend that liking movies isn't subjective and/ or that something is objectively "the best".  This is not a timed foot-race with precision cameras.  What you see below is just what I liked, and, pals, what I think doesn't matter to anyone but me, so cool your jets.

These are movies I saw for the first time in 2024.  It doesn't mean the movies were released in 2024.  Watching only new movies is for chumps and dilettantes.  New releases are good, but my FOMO for being part of a cultural moment around a movie is non-existent in 2024.

Now, this year's list is not going to be mind-boggling.  I went down a path of seeking out movies that are considered classics and remain well known and well-liked.  And I did this across a few genres.  So, if you saw me saying "I think this Orson Welles is onto something..." you may be right in guessing that I am not breaking new ground here.

The Signal Watch Presents: Worst Movies of 2024

I liked how I structured this last year, so I'll do it again here in 2024.  But broken up into Worst and Best posts.  

Here's a breakdown of the movies we watched in 2024.  

I know folks like Simon and Stuart watch many more movies per year than me, but it was a big year of movies at my house.

I'd also say - I've found the healthiest way to watch movies is not to worry about awards shows, the zeitgeist or common consensus.  Like what you like, for whatever reason you like it.  Someone will always find a reason your opinions are bad or wrong, buy... yeah?  Well, you know. That's just, like, their opinion, man.

Let's start off by being hurtful.  You can ignore my feelings or argue with about Ember Days in the comments.

The Worst Things I Saw in 2024

2024 Watch: Movies By The Numbers

Movies By The Numbers - Previous Years

• 2023
• 2022
• 2021
• 2020
• 2019
• 2018

In case you didn't notice, this site is really my personal film-watching-journal.  Yes, it's available to you, because we're pals, but it's mostly for me to keep track of movies and jot down what I thought.

A few years ago now, I started compiling some numbers to get some metrics.  I believe it stemmed out of a concern I was re-watching too many movies and not checking out enough new-to-me films.  There is no right or wrong way of watching movies, exactly - though I will argue "that's not how movie watching works" from time to time when I get my dander up.

Anyway, our categories this year are:

• Decade of release
• Month in which movies were watched
• How many movies did I watch for the first time
• What genre does the movie represent best
• In what format did I watch movies
• Was the movie a new movie
• How many Godzilla movies did I watch

And, to start off - I watched movies 253 times in 2024.

If you want, you can check out the spreadsheet here.

Vampire Watch: Nosferatu (2024)

Watched:  12/29/2024

Format:  Cinepolis Theater

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert Eggers

I am looking forward to seeing this movie again soon, which I believe I am planning to do with PalMrshl.

SPOILERS BELOW

As advertised, Nosferatu (2024) is a gloriously detailed, stylized retelling of the 1922 classic horror film.  That original film, in turn, was a copyright-infringing German production that liberally stole from the novel Dracula, changed some names, set the story in Northern Germany, and had a production company with weird, cultish origins.  

In general, I was looking forward to my third Robert Eggers film, having previously seen The VVitch and The Northman.  A big, studio remake of Nosferatu is something I think could go a lot of ways, but if anyone working now was going to do it, Eggers was one of the strongest choices.  I'd only seen two of his three prior films, but I think - and argue with me here - Eggers isn't so much concerned with telling wildly original stories, but telling almost primordial stories and relaying them in ways that show why those stories work, and that it's in the teller and telling that we get at what the stories are about in ways that declutter them from romanticism and remove some of the guard rails.  

Example:  The VVitch is the earliest Anglo North American arcana - it captures the old world fears we brought to the New World as we faced it's sprawling wilderness we couldn't quite tame. Against that backdrop, our concerns about the unknown were turned inward and metastasized.  Those concerns continue to manifest and mutate in paranoid American fantasies that go well beyond the scope of this post.  The Northman is a sort of proto-Hamlet, digging into Nordic tradition and beliefs, and bringing the brutality of the stories in the Eddas to life, exploring revenge in a world that relishes might making right.  With some promise of glory for the fallen warrior along the way.

For veterans of prior incarnations of Nosferatu, whether we're talking the 1922 film or the 1979 version by Werner Herzog, there's a mix of old and new in Eggers' vision.  It's certainly, at it's core, not too different from the original 1922 version, but expanded and...  really well considered.  

Hitchcock Watch: Saboteur (1942)

Watched:  12/28/2024

Format:  4K Disc

Viewing:  First, as it turns out

Director:  Alfred Hitchcock

For Christmas, K and Dug got me a set of Hitchcock movies, and I am pretty jazzed.  I hadn't seen latter-era Hitchcock, but was under the impression I had seen this movie, but... as I found out two minutes in, I had never seen Saboteur (1942).  So, all the better.

My Hitchcock era was, like most 90's film school kids, in the 1990's, and I haven't gone back a lot, which seems... dumb.  I loved Vertigo and North By Northwest back in the day.  So to have a chance to fill in some blanks and refire my interest in Hitch is a great opportunity.

Firstly - there's some amazing stuff in this film, which should be obvious, I guess, Hitchcock being Hitchcock.  But the visuals of the sabotage and conflagration that follows in the film are remarkable.  I suppose I should know the name Joseph A. Valentine, but it's one I'll now know as the eye behind the camera here, bringing us visuals like the wall of white with black smoke drifting in, the desperate reach for Frank Fry off the hand of the Statue of Liberty, the barren plains of the desert southwest, and the train car full of circus-folk by night.

Stuff I Liked as a Kid Watch: Treasure Island (1950)

Watched:  12/27/2024

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  Byron Haskin

For Christmas, I gave the nephew - a voracious reader - a copy of Treasure Island.  He's now the same age I was when I checked the book out of the library, already pretty familiar with the story, thanks to the movie or movies I'd seen up to that point.  But the book stuck with me, just as the Disney film had.

I know I saw a version of Treasure Island when I was about seven years old.  It came on, and my parents decided we could stay up and watch it.  I suspect, now, it was the 1934 version, but it's possible it was the Disney version from 1950 - maybe it's more likely it was, but I also don't quite know what Houston television would have been showing on a Saturday night.  What I do know is that I eventually did watch this version when I was a bit older, maybe in school, and I was a fan.  And this has been my version ever since.

As a kid, what wasn't to like?  A young boy, not yet a teen, gets wrapped up in a grown-up adventure with pirates, ship captains, maps, all the stuff we've since incorporated into our general ideas of what pirates are supposed to be.  I know now that Stevenson himself borrowed from other books, from Robinson Crusoe and other works.  But don't we all borrow?

It also understands, in a way I think we've forgotten in kid-oriented media - that what a kid wants is to be included as an equal alongside the adults in the action.  As a mix of the expectations of kids in the era in which Robert Louis Stevenson wrote his book - released in 1881-2 as a serial and 1883 as a novel - and as the primary POV of the novel, Jim is *valued* and doesn't realize he's being handled differently, even if and when he is.

Hallmark Holiday Watch Bonus Round - 3 movies I kinda watched

Christmas at Castle Hart

Watched:  12/?/2024

Format:  Amazon?

Viewing:  First

Director:  Stefan Scaini

Some Hallmark movies I just put on, and they played and I didn't pay them much attention as I did other things.  In the past, I generally didn't even bother with mentioning them or doing a write-up with these, but I feel like I'm doing everyone a disservice if I do that to you good people here.

Chabertmas: Pride, Prejudice and Mistletoe (2018)

Watched:  12/23/2024

Format:  Amazon/ Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Don McBrearty

I dunno.  Chabert is maybe an investment banker in NYC.  She comes home to help her mom run a Christmas charity event in the most persnickety version of charity events that seems way too high stakes for something like this - but I also know in real rich people land, there's probably some reality here.

Chabert's colleagues wait until she's gone to also try to poach all of her clients and run her out even though she's a partner, which means - yikes.  What a terrible place she's working.  

She runs into her old high school Debate Club sparring partner, who is now running a restaurant.

Anyway, it kind of writes itself.  

I have no idea what it had to do with Pride and Prejudice other than Chabert's character's name is "Darcy".

Chabert Holiday Watch: A Wish For Christmas (2016)

Watched:  12/21/2024

Format:  Amazon streaming

Viewing:  At least second

Director:  Christie Will Wolf

In addition to riding into the sunset on Hallmark-type Christmas movies, I'm also trying to make my way through the Chabert Hallmark catalog.  I mean - why not?

So, apparently I'd seen this movie before about five years ago.  I'd forgotten because apparently I watched it when I had the flu after a work trip (I very much remember being sick).

In this movie, Santa uses his fantastical powers to bestow Lacey Chabert with her Christmas wish of courage.  This is coupled with a reckless sense of agency and a Zoom-In-Dolly-Out effect familiar to fans of the movie Jaws.  

I don't have much to add to the post I linked to above.  

I will mention that the lead is only two years younger than the woman playing his aunt, and I don't know why on earth Hallmark does this.  Surely they could have dug up an actress who didn't look right as a love interest for our lead.  I would guess the mom is less than a decade older that our lead as well.  

The film also co-stars the woman who played Eve Tessmacher on Supergirl.  

Chabert is Chabert, but they keep commenting on her earrings, which you absolutely cannot see under her hair.  I don't know what happened on this movie, but that's a fixable problem.  And it makes me wonder if they didn't have the earrings people keep describing as "Snowmen" or what happened.  Do not insert details into your movie if they just raise unanswerable questions.

Regret Holiday Watch: Christmas In The Spotlight (2024)

Watched:  12/20/2024

Format:  Amazon/ Lifetime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Michelle Ouellet

Thanks.  I hate it.

Well.  Two movies were released for Christmas this year counting on the public's fascination with the Taylor Swift/ Travis Kelce real-life romance between a music star of epic proportions and a pretty good football player.  The first film blinked, dumped any comparison to that romance, and made itself about the Chiefs being a really good football team since Andy Reid showed up, and avoided mention of Kelce and Swift.

This one is a weirdly lofi version of someone imagining how the romance between a pop star and football player would go down.  And then cast someone you know that, back in high school, would have been mean to you for no reason as the pop star, and then cast a ham with eyes as the football player.

About twenty minutes into the movie, I realized I don't know anything about Taylor Swift or Kelce.  I don't even know any Taylor Swift music aside from "Shake It Off" which has to be a decade old at this point, and I haven't watched a Chiefs game since last season.  But we'd committed, and so we persevered.

It's just a movie that doesn't know how football works, or what it looks like to watch an actual football game.  I won't pretend I know how the pop music machine works in 2024, but I'll guess this is just as accurate as their football take - which includes a pro football fields with soccer markings painted on the field.  

But, wow, you don't really appreciate the talent in these movies until you're left with two largely unlikeable leads role-playing what it would be like to watch two shallow, boring people circle each other until sex happens.  And because this is Lifetime and not Hallmark, sex is definitely implied.

It is funny watching the difference between Hallmark and Lifetime as Lifetime *does* seem to exist more in a world where people do normal things, like make out.  But it turns out real life is kind of dull.  I don't actually want to see two people doing puzzles and cooking together.  Especially not these two.

And if you want to know how awful they are, the finale is them hi-jacking a Christmas performance benefiting a children's hospital to declare their love for each other.  The supporting cast is fine and mostly better than the stars, especially the mom.

This movie exists because someone was going to make it, not because it was a good idea.  Or had any particular story to come up with other than idly speculating about Swift and Kelce, I guess.  Is this what it's like to be famous?  I don't know.  Probably not.  There's no agents, no coaches, no regimens, no concert tours or press to do.  No press agents to handle mishaps.  But there are two 30-something actors fumbling with each other whether you like it or not, giggling way, way too much.

And, I'll say it, both actors have weird heads.

Holiday Horror Watch: Black Christmas (2006)

Watched:  12/20/2024

Format:  Amazon Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Glen Morgan

I watched this movie because last weekend, Brandon Z told me that he'd watched all three version of Black Christmas (I did not know there were three) and that the 2006 edition featured Mary Elizabeth Winstead (always great) and our Christmas Queen, Lacey Chabert.  He did not endorse this version - just let me know: it exists.

Well, this is the opposite of a Hallmark movie, but if it has Chabert, and it's Christmas, who am I to not watch this movie?

A few years ago I watched the 1974 original version of Black Christmas (2006) and it scared the bejeezus out of me.  THAT is a horror film.  It leaves us with unknowns, an uncaught murderer who we never fully see, no motivation...  it's just... people getting popped off one-by-one and because of how college worked in a pre-internet/ pre-cell-phone era, when people weren't around, you just assumed they were okay until you heard otherwise.

This movie is bad.  It feels like it has no idea what worked in the original film, and made it smaller and less believable and went for gore over the terror of a guy slowly picking off unsuspecting sorority girls.  It changes it into a Halloween movie, but if Michael Meyers' thing was being mistaken for a banana.*  It even ends like Halloween 2 instead of leaving us with the absolute spine chiller of the original's conclusion.

Full stop - I am well known for face blindness with young Hollywood talent, male and female.  There was a hot minute where I thought Eva Green and Emily Blunt were the same person circa 2006.  So throw a sorority house full of girls at me who have no discernible personalities, different wardrobes or even really have blemishes, and my only hope for knowing who they are is "that one wears glasses" and that one is "MEW".  But I literally couldn't tell you how many girls were in the house, who they were, what their stories were, etc...  But, yes, I did look at IMDB and vaguely remember Michelle Trachtenberg.  But if they're all the same person, plus Andrea Martin, it makes it hard to care about anyone but Andrea Martin.  

And... look, MEW wasn't quite a thing yet in 2006, but Chabert kind of was.  So it's weird she has like 10 lines and is shoved in the background.  She's kind of funny in this.

As mentioned - awesomely, this movie *does* have Andrea Martin in it as a new character - the house mother.  And we love Andrea Martin.  Glad to see her.  And - because it's the writer/ director's wife, we also have Kristen Cloake, who is not a bad actor, btw, but it seems like she's hung up her acting guns.

This movie isn't scary.  1974's Black Christmas is so spooky, it's going to take some effort for me to watch it again.  This one is what you always see me complain about - jump scares in place of scares.  There's no real mood.  The backstory is just dumb and in no way an improvement - especially the post-Scream two-killer reveal (whoops, spoilers).  And the last act in the hospital just sucks.

I don't know why this exists.  And I don't blame the talent.  The people I do know in this are fine actors, so it's not them.  A quick look at wikipedia shows the problem was likely The Weinsteins.  So.  There you go.  Something else they made horrible.

I do not think I will watch the 2019 version unless there's a very pressing reason to do so.

*there's some liver problem we're told he has, and that it makes him yellow.  It looks *ridiculous*

Not Quite Christmas Watch: Winter In Vail (2020) - a study in StrudelFest

Watched:  12/19/2024

Format:  Hallmark Streaming

Viewing:  First

Director:  Terry Ingram

So.... we were maybe 35 minutes into this movie before I realized it wasn't a Christmas movie.  It was a "winter" movie.  I guess this is what Hallmark puts on between Christmas and springtime?  I don't know.  

This movie was essentially a misguided travel brochure for Vail, Colorado, which - as I understand it - is a high end resort town and place for rich people to live and play.  I've been to Colorado once for 3 days for a conference.  It was nice.

The basic gist is that Lacey Chabert is a go-getter at an events planning company.  She's by-passed for a much deserved promotion the same time she inherits a whole "chalet" in Vail, and says "@#$% it, I'm quitting and heading for Vail."

She meets a nice handy-man/ failed architect, gets to see very select parts of Vail and Canada doubling for Vail, and - this is where things get dicey - gets involved with the "old town" portion of Vail that the movie purports to be a sort of hokey German styled tourist trap, where people wear lederhosen and sell German food.*  I assume this is a real thing in Vail.

But by 2020, Vail was also where one went for high end cuisine and fancy nouveau riche nonsense like drinking hot chocolate with gold in it, and I guess the folks who go to Vail in this world abandoned the kitschier part of town.  I have to think calling out people for not sticking to schnitzel and their roots and side-eyeing tourists for wanting sushi is probably a fair point?  Maybe?  But it seems like poking the town you're filming in in the eye for being what it is, is maybe an iffy proposition.  Although this columnist was pretty sure a lot of this wasn't even Vail, and the idea of this house in Vail was even wackier and wasn't so sure they all eat German food non-stop in Vail.

Using her event planning super powers, Chabert cooks up "StrudelFest" to attract people back to German-land.  It works, blah blah blah.  

Anyway, the most fun part of this whole movie is that they simply cannot stop saying StrudelFest.  Once the word is introduced, it's repeated every 30 seconds until the end of the film.  

I think Jamie and I have decided that "StrudelFest" is our go-to codeword for "things are getting out of control" - perfect for the holidays.  

There's something about the need for StrudelFest at all in the movie and the slobs vs snobs posturing that winds up getting squished in favor of including the high-end chefs as judges for Strudelfest's Strudel Contest that just feels like it's both giving us the necessary party, and throwing fuel on the unnecessary fire.  It's a real StrudelFest.

Never before in a narrative has strudel played such a vital part.

StrudelFest.

There's a lot more to this, but no one cares, and all I want to do is talk StrudelFest.

*Central Texas has a heritage of Czech and German settlers.  So I'm actually pretty familiar with the odd Oktoberfest-style celebrations and whatnot 

Hallmark Holidaze Watch: Time For Us To Come Home For Christmas (2020)

run away, Lacey!

Watched:  12/18/2024

Format:  Amazon Streaming - Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  David Winning

So:  Tonight Jamie and I admitted to each other that we weren't going to watch any of our usual holiday movies.  We gripped hands, Thelma and Louise style, and declared we are going over the Hallmark cliff this year.  I still have two movies I want to get in that are not Hallmark, but if it doesn't happen, I'll live.

Also - I started wondering if the movies at Hallmark had actually gotten better and harder to drag, or if I just got soft.  I mean, I keep talking about how Hallmark recognized it's issues and doesn't make the exact same junk anymore.

Well.  Thank you, Time For Us To Come Home For Christmas (2020), because I've realized, it not me, it's Hallmark.  Or, it was, as recently as 2020.  This movie was super fun to riff and I had a great time.

What's remarkable about Time For Us To Come Home For Christmas is that it's a horror movie in almost every way, but instead of it ending with Lacey Chabert running for her life before putting an axe through a dude's skull, it wimps out and has a nice, Hallmark ending.

Why it's a horror film:  

Hallmark Holidaze Sequel Watch: Three Wiser Men and a Boy (2024)

Watched:  12/17/2024

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Terry Ingram

For some time, we have lived in a world where Hallmark and Netflix Christmas movies have sequels.  We catch up with our imaginary friends and see them grow a little more, learn and love a little more, and pretend that the houses they're in are the same ones from the prior film, when they kind of aren't.

As predicted, we watched Three Wiser Men and a Boy (2024), the follow up to 2022's Three Wise Men and a Baby.  

Remarkably, this film got back all but one of the large original cast - Ali Liebert, one of the romantic interests - and brings in Erin Karpluk as a different sort of match.  It's also written by the team of Sustad and Campbell (returning) and tapped in the apparent go-to for making sure your holiday movies are nailing the comedy, Russell Hainline (Hot Frosty, Santa Class).  

It's now roughly 5 years after the events of the epilogue to the first film.  Our three brothers have new spins on the problems they had in the first film.  But now Thomas, the baby, is a boy in Kindergarten.  They accidentally wreck the school Christmas play and are made to take it over, while also all de-camping to their mother's house again for Christmas.  Meanwhile, Mom is now dating someone - a nice-guy pastor.

This film definitely ups the wacky-factor, and is more in line with what I expected from hearing the first one was zany.  And it works!  It is zany.  It is also heartfelt, and, maybe because it is building on the prior movie it is assuming you've seen, actually has problems for the characters that feel semi real, even if they manifest in goofy ways.

I do think the movie falls prey a bit to illogical things occurring for sake of the movie, and that's okay.  Videogames in 2024 are not made by a single person.  No principal would bring in 3 unlicensed people they remember as bad students 30 years later in order to put on a Christmas play - they'd cancel it.  Nothing about how a play is put together here makes any sense, but all right.  Look - it's fine!  This is a hyper Christmas reality.  I get it.  You don't do this, you don't get the jokes.

The one thing I will absolutely buy is that child-free uncles would buy peanut-laden cookies for kids and not think about it.  This is me.

But, yes, if you like the first movie, this is more of that, and that is not a criticism or complaint.  It's an acknowledgement, but - I do think, on reflection, that on a channel that is usually focusing on the issues of women, they do have this movie about men in semi-crisis.  Boys and men adapting to their moms having inner lives is hard.  We don't just overcome anxiety with a system, we live with it and work with it.  We can go from being tired of being depended upon to wondering why nobody seems to need us.  We don't always get what we want, but if we try sometimes, we might just find, we get what we need.

Also, off-brand Christmas pageants are inherently funny.

The movies just aren't long enough to spend runtime on all of the partners of the men, especially now that they needed to show the kids (who were all pretty solid kid actors.  Well done, movie) and the three brothers interacting with them.  But, who knows?  Maybe in two years they wives and partners get a bit more screentime for 3 Wisened Men.

Hallmark Holidaze Watch: Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022)

this movie's title is way better in Portuguese

Watched:  12/16/2024

Format:  streaming

Viewing:  First

Director:  Terry Ingram

So, among the new formulas Hallmark has been deploying, one mainstay has been the adaption of concepts from older, popular films but not so close there's potential legal action, and mostly by Hallmarking them up.  You liked Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?  Go enjoy The Christmas Quest.  Any of a hundred snobs versus slobs comedies?  Go see The Santa Class.  It's nothing new in movies to lightly borrow from each other - or heavily borrow - and Hallmark is not alone in this.  But there's a certain gloss that makes things Hallmark, from casting to the required baking scenes.  And that's fine.  It's an all-new version of Hallmark bingo.

Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022) echoes the 1980's popular comedy Three Men and a Baby.  It's in the title.  No one is playing hide-the-ball here.   I did not like Three Men and a Baby in the 1980's when I saw it, because I was 13, mostly concerned for the baby, do not swoon over Tom Selleck, and knew the baby would be taken away eventually.  Virile 80's dudes only deal with babies in short bursts.  I'd be lying if I said I remembered details.

Written by Hallmark writer/ actors Kimberley Sustad and Paul Campbell, and directed by workhorse Terry Ingram, this film stars three familiar Hallmark faces - Paul Campbell, Tyler Hynes, and Andrew Walker as three adult brothers, living in close proximity to their single mom, played by ID4's Margaret Colin (the First Lady.  You know who I'm talking about).

Hallmark Holidaze Watch: Santa Class (2024)

Watched:  12/14/2024

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Lucie Guest

So, this was actually funny.  Not laugh-til-you-cry funny, but I guffawed, chortled, etc...  Some laughs came because I couldn't believe this was happening in a Hallmark movie, but mostly because the jokes landed.  It is possible that Hallmark made a pretty funny, okay movie movie utilizing their resources, financial and talent-wise, that wasn't Christmas wallpaper.

So... let's not go crazy overselling this, but I do think it's shocking to see a Hallmark movie with actual comedic timing, funny lines, goofy characters and an underdog storyline that feels like it was imported from a circa 2005 comedy, and made something generally entertaining.

And that's fine!  That is massive progress for Hallmark.  

Regret Holidaze Watch: The Munsters' Scary Little Christmas (1996)

he doesn't even have make-up on his arms in the promo pic

Watched:  12/13/2024

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Ian Emes

As a kid, I liked The Munsters better than The Addams Family.  I even have a core memory of running from our family kitchen to the living room around age 3 because I heard The Munsters' theme song on TV, and I didn't want to miss the show.  But as a high schooler, thanks to the Addams Family movie, I watched the Addam's Family TV show and converted.

Because both feature characters rather than, say, trying to replace Dick Van Dyke on his eponymous show, both shows have seen swings to return to glory from their initial runs by re-casting or bringing back the same actors.  Munsters, in particular, usually looks cheap, off and wrong.  Somehow, Addams Family has landed two great live action films, one good animated film, and a musical popular with families and amorous politicos.  Munsters got a universally derided feature film in 2022 that no one saw.

If you don't remember, The Munsters was a very 1960's comedy show that borrowed some of Universal Monsters concepts, rejiggered them, and asked "what if they were a family unit living in Southern California?"  Like most 1960's shows, it only lasted about three seasons, but that doesn't mean it didn't survive in reruns, a favorite of kids.  Somehow, those reruns had an outsized influence on pop culture, and sixty years later, we still know Herman and Lily Munster better than almost every other 1965 show except maybe I Dream of Jeannie.  

Holidaze Watch: Christmas Eve in Miller's Point (2024)

Watched:  12/10/2024

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Tyler Taormina

Seeking something new that wasn't released on Netflix or Hallmark, we put on Christmas Eve in Miller's Point (2024).  

Sometimes you see a movie you know is technically very good, and will *definitely* please the sorts of people who become professional film critics, but leaves you absolutely flat by the movie's end.  And, for me, this is one of those.  I feel almost guilty talking about it.  I know of a folk or two who have told me they liked it...  And, to them, I am sorry.

I can acknowledge what the creative team did here was an absolutely remarkable achievement and they pulled off all sorts of things that shouldn't work.  But I finished the movie understanding the point - and still... nothing.  Maybe I'm not in the right frame of mind, or maybe I'm just too old.  Maybe I'm not from Long Island enough.*

The basic set-up is the cacophonous Christmas Eve celebration of a large and extended (and, I think) Italian family in the suburbs outside of New York City.  It's a kaleidoscope of family personalities, issues, and melodrama all caught and crossing in a single evening - the kind of evening like Christmas Eve, which is one of the rare occasions where this much family comes together just to be together. 

Netflix Holidaze: Our Little Secret (2024)

Watched:  12/07/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Stephen Herek

This is a movie with a great set-up, a terrific cast and mediocre execution.  Also, I think I've just seen what Millennial comedy is again, and y'all need to stop explaining your jokes during the joke.  And let people be the villain sometimes.

I'm not sure this movie needed the preamble of a scene from 10 years ago to work, but it has it.  We find that our heroes - Lindsay Lohan and Ian Harding - grew up together and were young lovers.  Tragedy struck as Lohan's mother died, causing Lohan to pursue her dream and leave for London, ie: bailing on Harding.  Harding makes an ass of himself proposing to Lohan at her good-bye party, and she does not accept.  10 years later (now), Lohan and Harding are each going to spend Christmas with their current significant others.  When they arrive, they discover, the significant others are siblings and they have to spend Christmas together.

Funny!  That's awkward!  And you can guess they'll wind up falling for each other again, so it's all right there.  Of course, they keep their former relationship a secret so no jealousies bubble-up, and because secrets in movies are super important for them to work and a disaster in real life.

To add to the mix, Kristin Chenoweth plays the ultra-high-strung, image conscious mom of the family, who has it in for for Lohan for no reason, adores Harding for no reason, and who has very specific ideas about Christmas.  Kind of funny?

The biggest problem with the movie is that it has so many characters, all of whom play a part and are the cogs in the clockwork of the movie, but it leaves people who should be involved and around on the sidelines consistently.  And, *sigh* I just always feel like Lohan is an energy black hole when she's on screen, which leaves Harding to do all the comedic heavy lifting with Chenoweth.  Which is a choice, because they did bring in Tim Meadows and Judy Reyes as family friends (and Reyes has one bit of business she does that was not the focus, and probably got one of the biggest laughs of the whole movies from me).  

It's hard to say exactly why the movie doesn't feel better than what it is.  Maybe it's too polite, or kind or something.  Certainly to avoid conflicts, Harding's girlfriend is practically a cut-out that could have "girlfriend" written on her, and so obviously disposable, it's impossible to get why they're together or why they'd break up at the end.  She just is.  As is the dad.  And a few other characters.

The movie wants to play nice so hard, I think it bends over backward to make sure that no one is a bad person - not even the cheating boyfriend.  Or cheating dad.  Or the would-be-Step-Mom-Monster.  Which just deflates the stakes and conflict - partially because the movie projects the end at the beginning in almost every way. It ends up toothless and safe.   Add in bland set-ups like "she ate THC gummies!" for a ten minute bit, and... man.  It's some choppy waters as you cross this pond.  Hint:  We also all watched Ted Lasso.  Maybe don't try to lightly rewrite an iconic scene?

Add in that it's not clear at all that Lohan and Harding are more than old high school chums through the movie - like, no interest in each other, so much so that I laughed when they said "I love you" at the end...

That said, Chris Parnell sliding in as Dr. Spaceman: Veterinarian was gold.

We put this on because I'd lost all energy to think about what else to watch after Texas football lost to Georgia in an overtime defeat, and I didn't care.  And watching mid movies is what happens when you don't care.  

I'm glad Lohan seems clean and is getting work, I guess.  I've literally just never been her demographic or audience, and all I can think of is how the 00's-era internet kept trying to insist I should care about Lohan's private life, so I feel a vague sense of exhaustion when I see her.

Shame Watch: Zapped (1982)

I am not putting up the poster from this movie.  Here's Aames, Thomas and Baio

Watched:  12/06/2024

Format:  Amazon Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert J. Rosenthal

Kids, if you want to know how much the world has changed for both the worse and the better, and to ponder innumerable imponderables about what was happening in the 1980's... I would suggest you check out this movie to see what a massive gulf you're dealing with between the wild west of 1980's b-movies and 2020's moralizing.  

Except... it's a terrible movie, and don't watch it.

Zapped (1982) is trash.  It knows it's trash.  It's studio-produced and released trash, where, apparently, the studio made them do re-shoots to insert more nudity in the wake of Porky's massive success.  YMMV.

My memory of this movie is that it was on the shelf at every video store I ever went to, and featured Scott Baio and Willie Ames on the cover using magic powers to flip up the skirt of a girl.  As a kid living in the 1980's who sometimes had premium cable and who had friends who had fun channels, I was well aware of the horny teen sex romp, and the last thing I wanted to see was Chachi plus boobs, so it took til now to see this gem.

I regret it.  This movie was bad, gross, unfunny, and wildly sexist in a way that made you feel like you were looking into a whirlpool of misogyny.  

Aside from the aforementioned Charles in Charge-foreshadowing casting, it also has Scatman Crothers as a coach, and LaWanda Page - who I'd only seen on Sanford and Son.  It features a brief appearance by none other than Eddie Deezen.  And if you know Eddie's post-Grease work, you know that he is a mark of a great film.  The love interest was played by Felice Schachter, who was in those first prep-school seasons of The Facts of Life - and I'm as shocked as you are that I recognized her enough to look her up mid-movie to see where I knew her from.  And, we have Heather Thomas, who you may just feel bad for by the end of the movie as she's never set up to be a villain, exactly, but gets a comeuppance nonetheless, which is just...  cruel.

The basic story is that Baio is a science nerd who accidentally manages to get himself telekinesis.  It leads to hi-jinks, from popping open sweaters to fixing gambling.  There's some Carrie references, from a mom who goes religious on him after he terrorizes her with a ventriloquist doll, to the prom ending not in murder, but everyone stripped down to their underwear. 

It's tedious.  But will stop for odd fantasy sequences, not the least of which is Scatman Cruthers getting high by accident and dreaming he's riding bikes with Einstein.  Because movie.  It is the best part of the whole film.

I didn't like this at all, am embarrassed I finished it, and I don't want to think about this movie anymore. 

There is a sequel, because of course there is.

The end.