Chabert Watch! The Dancing Detective - a Deadly Tango (2023)

Watched:  02/20/2025

Format:  Hallmark/ Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Stefan Scaini

Job:  Police detective

new skill:  ballroom dancing

Man: Will Kemp

Job of Man: dance instructor

Goes to/ Returns to:  Goes to Malta

Event:  Dance competition

Food:  cocktails

This movie is bonkers.  

You will never follow the premise, because it is baffling and exists to making the central conceit of the title happen - that a detective will dance!

For reasons, The Dancing Detective: A Deadly Tango (2023) is shot in Malta, a place of which I am mostly uninformed, but makes Malta seem lovely, and I'd love to see it.  It's modern, but retained its architecture, features old-world streets and buildings, and many pleasantly snoozing cats. But also because it's Malta in the middle of the Mediterranean, the sun is brutal and I pity the DP.

As a Maltese-shot film, a lot of the talent in the movie is local.  All the characters sport very Anglo-sounding names while the actors mostly wrestle down a range of accents from Maltese, to multi-lingual-kinda-Spanish to Slovenian.  

The film basically exists to exploit the fact that Will Kemp, one of the Hallmark A-Listers, has a background in dance.  Lacey Chabert, who is the co-star, does not.  Chabert and Kemp are both Executive Producers on this movie, and I cannot imagine what the business dealings at Hallmark are actually like, as this is also a Bristow produced movie, like the Safari movie we caught the other day.  Globetrotters, these Bristows.

The set-up:  a suave CEO dies suddenly - and while no one else sees it but us, the audience, we know he was poisoned by someone dressed as a ninja.  It turns out he's the CEO of a company like the Arthur Murray Dance Company, which is actually global (I didn't realize Arthur Murray still existed until last year when I noticed a studio next to a restaurant where I sometimes meet my folks).  So, this is high stakes!  Someone is bumping off CEOs!  Of dance!

Horror Watch: The Substance (2024)

Watched:  02/19/2025

Format:  4K disc (SimonUK's disc)

Viewing:  First

Director/ Writer:  Coralie Fargeat

Worst.  Shazam movie.  Ever.

Let me start by saying, I quite liked The Substance (2024).  I'm not sure what's going on at the Academy that this got a best picture nom, my confusion mostly stemming from the fact this is a satirical body horror movie and that sort of thing doesn't usually get nominated over Very Serious Pictures(tm) - but I am thrilled for everyone involved and for this movie getting the nod.  

I was unimpressed with the original trailer for the movie, and then after the movie came out, Simon told me he'd already seen it a few times,* and then later said he'd seen it four - and I was supposed to see it with him on his 5th viewing. However, I went to the wrong theater.  SO.  Tonight he brought over his new disc and we watched it.

On paper, this movie is what I figured from the trailers - to a point.  And it is all along the way more entertaining, bizarre, fascinating and generally better than I expected.

The only prior Coralie Fargeat movie I'd previously seen was Revenge, which I don't remember well, just that it lost me at some point and didn't win me back.  But re-reading my own review to refresh my memory - I can see a loose breadcrumb trail that led to The Substance, and what Fargeat was doing with Revenge that maybe didn't work for me but landed well with me in this instance.  

Chabert Watch! Love on Safari (2018)

Watched:  02/18/2025

Format:  DVD

Viewing:  First

Director:  Leif Bristow

Job: Web designer for corporations

new skill:  looking at giraffes, deus ex machina identification

Man: Jon Cor

Job of Man: Safari ranger

Goes to/ Returns to:  goes to South Africa

Event:  Birthday for Lacey

Food:  Cookies

First of all, Brad sucks.  

Brad is Chabert's City Man, and he prides himself on loving spreadsheets.  That's fine.  I love to spend time in Google Sheets, too.  But that and misogyny are his whole personality.  He's a gigantic tool, and we're supposed to dislike him, and, hey... mission accomplished.

Chabert plays a web developer from Chicago.  In the way that only seems to happen in movies, when a great-uncle she hasn't seen in 20 years dies, Chabert inherits a whole frikkin' animal reserve and lodge in South Africa and is now responsible for miles of bushland, the animals upon it, and the people employed by the reserve.  All without a letter or phone call from the uncle forewarning her of his plans.

Marvel Cap Watch: Captain America - Brave New World (2025)

Watched:  02/13/2025

Format:  Cinepolis

Viewing:  First

Director:  Julius Onah

It was hard to miss the negative reviews for Captain America: Brave New World (2025), which was maybe a good way to go in.  I already had pre-purchased my tickets, even knowing this movie has been delayed for months, had serious reshoots, and I'd noted Marvel was already pushing Fantastic Four and Thunderbolts as hard or harder than this movie.  

I also know that taking to social media and bravely saying "this new Marvel movie isn't very good" is the current cool thing to do, whether it's Quantumania, which fully deserves every iota of hate it got, or Deadpool and Wolverine, which was amazingly meta and a fun Saturday afternoon at the movies (and richly rewarded for the effort).

After numerous misfires and mid-level efforts, it's fair to say Marvel hit the point where the quality of what they do has slipped.  What I think folks fail to appreciate is that Marvel's long run of putting out fun, watchable stuff was singular and extraordinary.  No one else has come close.  And if you're younger, that's hard to appreciate.  In a couple dozen movies - they became an institution almost as much as the idea of the Western or Costume Drama.*   And, of course, being an institution rightfully means they're the ones to take down/ make fun of/ be skeptical/ cynical of, especially in their modern work.

At the core, I think the same problem plagues Marvel movies that plagues Marvel (and DC) comics themselves - which is that there's a crippling level of continuity in their sprawling universe, and that can be paired with the fact that Marvel seems unwilling to build any second-generation characters in the old-school fashion with their own mythologies, rogues gallery and *personal* continuities.  Characters like Sam Wilson just kinda loosely fit into the big picture and exist in the Marvel Comics U.  And that is how this movie feels.  Captain America: Brave New World operates more as a sequel to 2008's Hulk and other MCU continuity threads than it is a Captain America film.  Arguably, Sam Wilson is not the star of his own movie in much the same way, Steve Rogers was one of many characters with understandable motivations in Civil War.

Chabert Watch! Crossword Mysteries: Abracadaver (2019)

you'd think the prop would indicate this movie is more fun than it is

Watched 02/10/2025
Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jonathan Wright

Job: Puzzle maker and Police Investigation Meddler

new skill:  close-up magic

Man: Brennan Elliot

Job of Man: Detective

Goes to/ Returns to: Remains in NYC

Event:  Birthday at Magic Manor

Food:  I don't think there was any food

In a move that makes total sense from a cost-savings perspective, Lacey Chabert and Brennan Elliot (as Detective Man) return for a third installment in the Crossword Mysteries series - a series which was clearly shot all in one big sprint for these three installments.  Chabert has the same hair, and, occasionally, the same jacket.  The sets for the police office and the newspaper are the same, and the cast remains intact-ish.  

This time, the only tie to a crossword puzzle is that - in order to create a single day's crossword puzzle, Chabert has enrolled in weeks of magic classes at an approximation of LA's Magic Castle.  I do not know if New York has one of these.*  

It is a crazy reason for Chabert to be on site, but I guess it's weird Jessica Fletcher was always floating around when someone dropped dead 23x a year.

Chabert Watch! Crossword Mysteries: Proposing Murder (2019)

Watched 02/08/2025
Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Don McCutcheon

Job: Puzzle maker and Police Investigation Meddler

new skill:  Escaping from enclosed spaces

Man: Brennan Elliot

Job of Man: Detective

Goes to/ Returns to: Remains in NYC

Event:  None, really

Food: you know, I don't think they stop to eat in this movie

If I was concerned this was going to be a series of movies about crimes being hidden in crossword puzzles, I needn't have worried.  Instead, the crossword tie-in here is that the victim is a friend of Chabert who (prior to checking out involuntarily) asks Lacey to hide his marriage proposal in the Sunday puzzle.  A few days later (that very Sunday!), he manages to gets murdered.  

Rather than a crossword housing the mystery, there's a whole thing about cryptography, WWII codes and a hidden treasure.  It's not bad.  The idea here is that Chabert's character is naturally adept at solving puzzles and codes, as well as driven to do so, exploiting her interns along the way - in pursuit of justice!

Detective Man is assigned to the case, and immediately he and Chabert cross paths.  Flirty paths, with meaningful glances.

Our victim, Chabert's platonic college pal, had just received tenure at College University, and was getting engaged to a woman he met a year ago.  She's a chef with access to pointy knives.  In addition to the fiancé, other possible suspects pop up, like a librarian, a faculty member, an antiquarian and an ex who is a surgeon.

Action Watch: Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning (2023)

Watched:  02/09/2025

Format:  Amazon Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Christopher McQuarrie

This whole movie could have been an email.

Dug tells me this movie has a 96% on Rotten Tomatoes, and I have no idea why.  It is true the entire Mission: Impossible franchise has been a struggle for me, going back to MI:2.  The movies are mostly Cruise running around and not getting his MacGuffin, punctuated with Ving Rhames reiterating the threat, so you don't forget what we're doing here, and Simon Pegg giving objectives for the next action sequence.  However, the action sequences go on so long, I completely forget what the objective was by the end.  Between the cut-scenes explaining things and the long, overly complicated action bits - it is very, very, very much like watching someone else play a video game.

The cast is impeccable.  The globe-trotting locations tremendous.  Cruise looks 45 at age 60.  Stunts are stunty.  

The plot is that an AI has gone rogue - and seems conscious.  And devious!  It has failed QAT, and apparently the dev team had never seen a Terminator movie.  The MacGuffin is a literal key that exists in two pieces that will *possibly* help control the AI.  People keep having it and then not-having it.  No one wants to just put it somewhere safe.  Hayley Atwell* shows up as one of those thieves that exist in movies like this.  She's not a spy, she's just big on ripping people off.  Vanessa Kirby, the latest addition to the Marvel U in this summer's coming Fantastic Four movie as Sue Storm, appears as The White Widow, just as she has for a couple of these movies.  Rebecca Ferguson shows up, and has like two lines, and I struggled to remember why she was important, but I think she's been in several of these.  Pom Klementieff shows up as our sexy, silent awesome hitwoman (and it feels like they let her dress herself, which I applaud).

Chabert Watch! Crossword Mysteries: A Puzzle To Die For (2019)

Watched 02/07/2025

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Don McCutcheon

Job: New editor of the Puzzles section of a major metropolitan newspaper

new skill: solving crimes!

Man: Brennan Elliot

Job of Man: Detective

Goes to/ Returns to: Remains in NYC

Event:  Crossword contest

Food: There are a lot of pastries seen, and deconstructed canapes

If you're a cord-cutter, you may not know that multiple Hallmark Channels exist on the cable spectrum.  In the holiday season (1/4th the year), they kind of throw the intention of the Hallmark Movies & Mysteries channel out the window, pre-empting their cozy-mysteries format with Christmas movies.  

But the rest of the year, the Hallmark Movies & Mysteries network is dedicated to movie series in which women solve mysteries.  The movie-series idea harkens back to network TV movies of the 1990's, when we'd get, like, Perry Mason movies with Raymond Burr, with a recurring character, set-up, and supporting players.*

I was previously aware of these movies as, in my occasional channel surfing, I'd seen they had really wild titles like "Garage Sale Mysteries" and "Murder, She Baked".  In their wildest dreams, SNL writers were not cooking this up.  But I also hadn't seen any of them.  However, when I was figuring out how many movies Ms. Lacey Chabert was responsible for, I stumbled across "The Crossword Mysteries" series - 5 films in all.  

Yeah.  So.  I guess the deal is we're mixing in hobbies of the Hallmark audience with genre TV, and while it may seem silly on its face, I watch approximately 10,000 hours of superhero content every year.  Let people like what they like.

90's Watch: Singles (1992)

movie tag lines are just kind of stupid, aren't they?

Watched:  02/08/2025

Format:  YouTube

Viewing:  First

Director:  Cameron Crowe

I am of two minds how I would have viewed this movie in 1992.  It is equal parts likely (1) I would have enjoyed it as a piece of media that seemed to be aiming itself at me and my generation, that had a happening soundtrack and Bridget Fonda.  It is just as likely that I (b) would have found it an older person's attempt to co-opt some of the music I listened to and what was happening with indie culture, and make a movie about romance that in no way seemed based in reality and was just people trying to say quippy things.

It largely would have depended on my mood going in.  I'm a monster that way.  Therefore, I can only go off of how I reacted to other movies aimed at me that came after Singles (1992) that I did see.  Reality Bites, Threesome, whatever that one was where Joe Pesci played a hobo at Harvard.  I didn't like two of them, and for someone who once thought Reality Bites was surprising and kinda okay, I now find it painful to watch.  It is, as the kids say, cringe.  I know if I'd waited and seen it just two years later, this movie would have driven me as much into a rage as the endless advertising of Surge soda.

I am aware that one is not to speak ill of Cameron Crowe, and I also like Say Anything and Almost Famous, but...  In it's way, Singles feels like Crowe tried to take some of the format of a Woody Allen movie, of romantic navel gazing, and remove it from Allen's very specific world, and sought to find another playground in which people sit around and talk about relationships, while saying things out loud, casually, in a way that would get your friends to tell you to shut the fuck up if you tried that after your sophomore year of college.  What's novel about the movie is the structure, complete with MTV-approved hand-written title cards for each segment.

Chabert Watch/ Forgot to Mention It Watch: Moonlight in Vermont (2017)

Watched: 02/04/2025 

Format: Hallmark 

Viewing: First 

Director: Jonathan Wright 

Job: Manhattan-based Realtor

new skill: talking to peasants

Man: Carlo Marks

Job of Man: Chef at B'n'B

Goes to/ Returns to: Goes to Vermont

Event: MapleFest/ MapleFest ball or some nonsense

Food: Maple syrup

I watched this in January, before I committed to the Chabert-a-thon, and forgot about it immediately after watching it, but saw it pass by on Hallmark and was like "oh, right.  That one."

This movie was bad and I didn't like it.  There are two male leads, and both characters are terrible humans who suck.  The jury is out on what kind of human Chabert's character is, but she's dressed very smartly.

Chabert plays a born-and-raised Manhattanite who is dating a Manhattan guy who sucks.  They break up because she works too much/ is completely inconsiderate of her boyfriend over and over, apparently.

Mad that she's been dumped, she joins with best-pal Fiona Vroom, and they go to her father's BnB in Vermont at the height of MapleFest.  AND WHO AMONG US HASN'T FOUND LOVE AT MAPLEFEST?

Her father had been a big-deal real estate guy in NYC, but after Chabert's mother passed has slowed down and re-married to Rebecca Staab (who this viewer knows from her role as a seductress of older, but viable gents on Superman and Lois).  It turns out Chabert and her father have some tension about him selling the family apartment after her mother's passing, and leaving town to live in Vermont.  She's kind of mean about it to him, but they've saved any discussion of this gigantic topic for the movie instead of when it happened.

Chabert Valentine's Watch: Love, Romance and Chocolate (2019)

Watched:  02/04/2025

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jonathan Wright

Job: Food Stylist for magazines shoots?
new skill: making chocolate/ chatting too much with royalty
Man: Will Kemp
Job of Man: failing chocolatier
Goes to/ Returns to: Goes to Bruges, Belgium
Event: chocolate tasting at palace/ royal ball
Food: guys, you're not gonna believe it...  chocolate

Firstly, salute to Chabert for getting to knock around Bruges for however long this took to film.  Well done.

This is a movie about a woman who flies all the way to Bruges to tour of the city, and spends her whole trip working for free in a chocolate shop that has no customers. 

The start of the movie does nothing to explain what Chabert does for a living, and we're well past the half-way mark when she tells someone she's a food stylist for advertising and the like.  Magazine covers get brought up before I finally figured it out.

What we do know is that she starts the movie with the world's least interested boyfriend who - in a completely whackadoo scene in which he looks like he has a bomb strapped to him and must dump her in under a minute or the whole place explodes - ditches Chabert for a promotion and a quick move to Albany.  This leaves her with airline tickets and a trip she's already booked, wherein she is to tour Bruges and all the chocolate shops.

Valentine Chabert Watch: An Unexpected Valentine (2025)

I am profoundly upset by how this is not the color, make or model of the car in the movie

Watched:  02/01/2025

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  *unlisted at time of this writing*

Job: Chocolate scientist 

new skill: picking up Lyft drivers
Man: Robert Buckley
Job of Man: Lyft driver/ mediocre artistic photographer
Goes to/ Returns to: just drives in circles, really
Event: product reveal gala?/ gallery show
Food:  baked goods and peanut butter chocolate cookies

This is a movie about a woman who is so lonely on Valentine's Day, she sleeps with her Lyft driver.

I'm sorry, you can dress it up any way you want, but that's what this movie is about, and I'm okay with it.

We watched this movie on a slight delay during its broadcast premier as Hallmark pivots to a two week extravaganza hoping people can believe Valentine's Day, the worst holiday, is as big a deal to people as Christmas, which is a lie, Hallmark.  A terrible lie.

In this movie, which has a script that needed several more passes and major issues with what we like to call "pacing" in the movie-blogging biz, Chabert plays a New York City-based food science person who specializes in chocolate (please remember the chocolate detail).  

I feel like the script was written by AI or a MadLib, because it does follow some oddly specific Hallmark tropes but then refuses to make sense.

Chabert's chocolate scientist starts the movie, as happens A LOT in Hallmark movies, giving a speech to colleagues around a table about their corporation's widget of choice.  In all Hallmark movies, often in Chabert movies, people are blown over by the set-up of a lukewarm corporate presentation explaining the hero's job and that she is good at it.  Her colleagues and bosses will lose their minds and offer promises of better jobs.  A rich fantasy.

In this case, I would believe the script is written by AI as the product Chabert is showing off is: a chocolate purse.  

Chabert-a-Thon: My Secret Valentine (2018)

Chabert and Walker demo how much wine you'll wish you had on hand before you start the movie

Watched:  01/30/2025

Format:  Hallmark+

Viewing:  First

Director:  Bradley Walsh

Job: Restaurant Manager/ Winery heiress
Location of story: somewhere near Portland, Oregon
new skill: None?
Man: Andrew W. Walker
Job of Man:  Acquisitions for a wine distribution company
Goes to/ Returns to: Returns to
Event:  Valentine's Wine and Food Fest
Food:  wine

First of all, congrats to Lacey Chabert who just signed an exclusive deal with Hallmark which will include movies, more of her unscripted show 'Celebrations', and a product line in Hallmark stores.  We'll, of course, be delving into what this means and what products at Hallmark shops carry Ms. Chabert's stamp of approval.  

At the same time, she's also now the face of Purity skin cleanser. Which, yes, that makes sense. 

On to WineFest.

Look, this movie was maybe not very good.  It was the sort of movie where nothing works the way things work in real life, and it feels like no one involved could be bothered to learn how those things work despite the fact Google was about 18 years into its existence by the time this movie came out.

Chabert's father calls her to come home because he has news for her, and after luring her home and away from work, he chooses to refuse to tell her the news until he's at dinner with his full staff.  At which point- he springs the very personal information about his decisions to retire and maybe sell the family name, land, house, cabin, business, etc...  He does this without once speaking to his only child and heir to the family business.  

In any other movie, this would suggest a deeply broken relationship.

Catch-Up Watch: Little Women (2019)

Watched:  01/29/2025

Format:  Amazon, I believe

Viewing:  First

Director:  Greta Gerwig

Somehow I have never seen any version of Little Women, and I've never read the book.  As a testament to how much I dislike movies having a Christmas release date, when I saw the cast line-up for this - and who was directing it,* I was very clear as I expressed to Jamie "hey, I want to see that", but then we absolutely did not see Little Women (2019) with its Oscar-pleasing release date as the holidays became busy.

Well, a couple weeks ago, in the same conversation wherein Jamie mentioned wanting to see Brooklyn, she also mentioned Little Women, and I was on board.  And then, days later!, M.Bell was giving me grief for having missed it, and it seemed like a sign.  

And, holy sugar smacks, that is a fantastic flick.  

Chabert-a-Thon Trilogy Watch: "All of My Heart", "AoMH: Inn Love" and "AoMH: The Wedding" (2015, 2017, 2018)

Watched:  Finished the third one on 01/29/2025

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First for all three

Director:  Peter DeLuise, Terry Ingram x2

Job: BnB owner

Location of story: Pennsylvania?

new skill: running a BnB/ starting a bakery business

Man:  Brennan Elliot

Job of Man: Wall Street Deal Maker/ Goat Herd/ Handy Man

Goes to/ Returns to: Goes To

Event: None/ None/ Wedding

Food: Baked goods.  My God, so many baked goods

Well, this was roughly 4.5 hours spent on a very long walk.

The All of My Heart trilogy maybe doesn't need to exist, and, yet, it does.  Why?  I do not know.  Was the original so successful The People demanded more?  Internet sleuthing tells me that, yes, people loved the first one so much, Hallmark had to cook up sequels.

The series fulfills the fantasy (by someone, absolutely not me) of owning and operating a Bed and Breakfast in the country, where everyone tells you that you are good at baking.  This is clearly a dream of many.

It is also a Hallmark movie series that never says it out loud, but absolutely implies, our leads are living in sin for the equivalent of 2 out of 3 movies.  

As a bonus, it features TV luminary Ed Asner for absolutely no reason, but he's in all three movies as The Wise Old Man.

After finishing some other Chabert movie (I think the Hawaii movie), I was rolled into All of My Heart (2015).  In this one, Chabert plays a caterer who inherits *half* of a house, and sees the possibility to make her dream of opening a BnB in leaf-peeper country a reality.  Frequent Chabert collab Brennan Elliot shows up as the other inheritee, and plays a hard-nosed Wall Street guy who just wants to get half the proceeds of the house's sale.  If she can buy him out, great.

Oscars Cartoon Watch: Flow (2024)

Watched:  01/27/2025

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Gints Zibalodis

If you want to know what moves me and can make me want to cry for the entire runtime of a movie - put an animal in danger.  Especially an animal with personality that manages to still recognizably act like an animal.

I'd heard a few trusted sources gives a thumbs-up to Flow (2024), and then it got nominated for a 2025 Academy Award for Best Animated Feature.  And, yes.  Consider this the highest level of recommendation I'm likely to give a movie for pretty mush anyone and everyone.  Go watch Flow.  

This post will be short.  I loved this movie so much, I don't want to ramble on and I don't want to spoil it.

Chabert Watch: Sweet Carolina (2021)

Watched:  01/25/2025

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Peter Benson

Job: Marketing VP

Location of story:  North Carolina

new skill: parenting

Man:  Tyler Hynes

Job of Man: basketball coach/ horsebarn attendant

Goes to/ Returns to: Returns to

Event: funeral? bake sale? middle school dance?  

Food:  Baked goods - especially scones

My first foray into a full Hallmark tragedy/ drama!  Also, I note Chabert co-wrote this one, so good for you, Lacey!

If I tipped my hat to Lacey Chabert milking Hallmark for nice vacations when discussing the Hawaii movie, I must also salute Hallmark for using the same Canadian locations and insisting they're various parts of the US with about ten seconds of establishing shots purchased from some establishing shot clearing house.  And then going hard with the movie's branding around the supposed location while remaining very non-specific about how this is, say, North Carolina and why it matters.  

But, yeah, this same Canadian high school was used for Three Wiser Men and a Boy released this Christmas.  Kimberley Sustad and Lacey Chabert are like ships in the night, passing through the halls of this school.  

In Sweet Carolina (2021), Chabert is a successful marketing exec from New Hope, North Carolina (the titular sweet Carolina, so suck it South Carolina.  You salty.).  After introducing her family in Canada North Carolina, the film immediately kills off her sister and brother-in-law, and during Chabert's trip home, she learns her sister named her, a career-driven-city-gal, as the guardian for her children.   

Not-Aimed-At-Me Watch: Brooklyn (2015)

Watched:  01/22/205

Format:  Max

Viewing:  First

Director:  John Crowley

About ten minutes into Brooklyn (2015) I knew I wasn't the intended audience, or even an intended tertiary audience, for the movie.  I believe this was aimed at Not-Me, whomever that would be - perhaps Bizarro League, and/ or people whose flights of fancy involved less in the way of aliens with capes and/ or atomic-powered giant monsters.  Maybe this is more for folks looking for (melo)drama in the way of Jane Austen novels.  And for them, I say - enjoy!  Stop reading now.

Saoirse Ronan is everything you've heard, and the photography was excellent.  The movie is beautifully made, exquisitely acted, and has immaculate period detail and design.  

And I wasn't into it.

SPOILERS

Chabert Lifetime Noir Watch: Imaginary Friend (2012)

Watched:  01/19/2025

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Richard Gabai

After running through something like 10 Lacey Chabert movies during the holiday season, Amazon is now offering up additional Chabert content - which has not helped when I pondered "what if I drove everyone nuts by making 2025 the year I watch and discuss *every* Lacey Chabert movie?"  Because, friends, she has 183 credits already, and is, like, 42.  That's not 183 movies - she's voiced several cartoons (including Supergirl on Harley Quinn), and been on a few TV series.  A glance at her IMDB suggests she's doing like 10-12 projects every year - and a heap of those are 90 minute TV movies.

Anyway - I'm not going to cover all of that.  But I'm also not going to not do it.  Who else will be the chronicler of Lacey Chabert's career arc?

Imaginary Fried (2012) is about eight years after Mean Girls.  It's a Lifetime movie, and part of the "someone close to me is trying to kill me" fantasy that characterized a lot of Lifetime's programming at one point.  Lifetime is a weird bastion of noirish programming that gets overlooked, but if these movies were black and white and the characters spoke with Mid-Atlantic accents, we'd just shrug and include them in the category as maybe B's.

Pope Watch: Conclave (2024)

Watched:  01/14/2025

Format:  Peacock

Viewing:  First

Director:  Edward Berger

All Christmas season long, Jamie's sister-in-law, K, kept lightly suggesting we go see Conclave (2024), and I was pretty direct in my opinion of "no, I do not want to see that".  But curiosity, gentle nudging and my Peacock subscription got the best of me, and I went ahead and watched it over two nights.

Conclave centers around the events that take place in the wake of the passing of a Pope, and the politicking among the clergy (cardinals) who are called together to determine who will be the next Pope.  

Sadly, it turns out there is no Catholic sorting hat to handle this task.

I will start by saying, there are many things I liked about this film.  As promised, the performances by Ralph Fiennes, Stanley Tucci, John Lithgow, Isabella Rossellini, and many others are impeccable.  This movie is an opportunity for these actors to do amazing work - enough so that my immediate thought was "really, this would be a tremendous play" after the film ended.  A sort of 108 Angry Cardinals.