Australian Neo-Noir Watch: The Dry (2020)

Watched:  03/05/2026

Format:  Hulu

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert Connolly

A while back, for various reasons, Jamie and I both read the novel The Dry. It was a big seller in Australia, where it was written and takes place.  And made its way here where I think it's done well.  

I asked for some downtime before I watched the inevitable movie adaptation so I could try to see it with fresh eyes, and hadn't honestly, thought about the book much since I read it.  It's fine!  Go read it.  But I think Jamie saw it starred Eric Bana and was happy to watch - and, anyhoo... here we are.

In the way of movies adapting popular books - the movie is largely a straight adaptation with some extraneous bits knocked off and some efficiencies found in storytelling.  But the film really does capture the mood of the novel, and as Jamie and I agreed, it looks more or less exactly how I saw it in my mind's eye.  Bleak, oppressive - a murder mystery in sun-scorched rural Australia.  

Hallmark Watch: The Stars Between Us (2026)

Watched:  03/03/2026

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Michael Robison

I didn't used to post on Hallmark movies I put on as time-fillers, but I'm trying to be accurate.  I kind of watched this while looking up other things.

Why we watched this boiled down to neither of us being in the mood for anything challenging as we dealt with other things, and I'd already stated that I am watching basketball Wednesday night, so as this was highly ranked at Ye Olde Hallmark, this is what we landed on.

It stars Sarah Drew, who is a big name on TV in shows I don't watch (Grey's Anatomy, for example), and Matt Long who I know from Mad Men a few years back.  But those are just the folks on the poster.  This movie has a B-romance plot featuring Donna Benedicto (who is in a million things) and Noah Paul.  

The basic gist of the film is that seven years prior, Kim (Drew) met Malcolm (Long) briefly at an Eclipse party.  He was there as an astronomer, and she was there for vague reasons with a fiance.  They met and had an instant connection as they talked for what seemed to be about ten minutes before she ran off to her late-arriving fiance.  

Seven years later, Kim is working at a TV station in the news department, divorced, living with her mom and has a kid in tow when she lands an on-camera assignment to cover the eclipse.  This will make or break her career.

Wise Watch: Three Secrets (1950)

Watched:  03/01/2026

Format:  YouTube

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert Wise

Apparently 1950 was the year Robert Wise made the jump from RKO and into more prestigious pictures, apparently handed a melodrama and what I'd loosely call a "women's picture" at his new studio, Warner Bros.  

Why he was tapped for this movie, I don't know.  Maybe the complexity of a multi-pronged story and everything that would need to be included meant WB decided that an ex-editor like Wise was a good fit?  But for what the movie is - he makes it work.

The story is more than half flashback.  The inciting incident is that a family has crashed their plane on top of a mountain, and only the five year old son has survived.  No one knows his true condition, but a rescue effort is mounted to retrieve him.  A bit like the 1980's incident with Baby Jessica or the soccer team trapped in the cave, the world is watching, with bated breath.  

Rhonda Watch: Lionheart (1990)

Watched:  02/28/2026

Format:  YouTube/ Up All Night

Viewing:  First

Director:  Sheldon Lettich

Well, I'd made it to 2026 without caring if I ever saw Lionheart (1990), but this was the movie programmed on Rhonda Shear's Up All Night.  

Y'all, it's possible Lionheart isn't a great movie.

Jean-Claude Van Damme is a member of the French Foreign Legion hanging out in Djibouti who hears his brother was injured in Los Angeles, so he asks to leave, but is refused.  So he - being JCVD - fights his way out, jumps a ship and winds up in Los Angeles doubling for New York.

Back in the 1990's, Bum Fights became a thing.  Because exploiting people hadn't been refined into reality TV quite yet.  Anyway, Leon (JCVD) enters a bum fight and wins some money.  He pairs up with actual actor Harrison Page as a former fighter named Joshua who kind of does all the acting in this movie.

Anyway - they get more fights including one for rich people's amusement organized by a sexy but shady lady, Cynthia (Deborah Rennard).  She decides she wants to kind of own JCVD, but he just needs to get to Los Angeles where he learns his brother has died.  He goes and finds his brother's widow (Lisa Pelikan) who has amazing red hair, and he moppet of a daughter.  She rejects him and his help, so he uses Joshua to slip her money as is it's insurance money. 

 Eventually he has to fight a much larger guy and the French Foreign Legion guys find him, and that's our movie.

Heist Neo-Noir Watch: Crime 101 (2026)

Watched:  02/26/2026

Format:  Alamo

Viewing:  First

Director:  Bart Layton

If the title Crime 101 (2026) seems a little uninspired, what I think I'd say is - it feels like this movie is by someone who has seen and likes the same movies I've seen and liked.  And that's... fine.  If you don't watch a lot of heist movies, this may feel fresh.  It has a sprawling, winding storyline intersecting three compelling characters.  And it has an all-star cast that made the movie a real treat.  

Chris Hemsworth plays one of the modern takes on the post-Parker, post Le Samourai crooks - a loner with seemingly no life but the crimes they'll commit.  No friends, no family.  He's stolen millions in expensive jewels.  His connection/ fence/ maybe mentor is no less than Nick Nolte.  Mark Ruffalo is a cop who is such a rogue *he plays by the rules*.  He may be on the LAPD, but he's not just framing people to get his numbers up.  Also, his wife (Jennifer Jason Leigh!) is leaving him.  Halle Berry is an insurance salesperson (I missed the actual job title) to the uber-wealthy.  If you need someone to help you get your Matisse insured, she's your gal.  But she's also realizing her place in her company - and it isn't a rocket ride to the top.  

Disney+ Watch: The Parent Trap (1998)

 

Watched:  02/25/2026

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  First

Director:  Nancy Meyers

I forgot I intended to watch the new Predator movie, and so when Jamie asked if I had something to watch I shrugged and mumbled, and so she pitched the 1998 version of The Parent Trap.  We just watched the original (me for the first time), and while I knew this film would not have any Maureen O'Hara, I figured it would be interesting to see the differences between Hayley Mills² and the version co-starring Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan.

I did not know that this movie was Lohan's first role in a movie - let alone the starring role.  I may not have been paying much attention to this movie in 1998, or to Lohan the past (cough) 28 years.  A lot of credit to everyone who spotted her as a talent and got her the role.*  She's super good in this.

Chabert Watch: High Hopes (2006)

the actual two leads aren't on the poster?

Watched:  02/21/2026

Format:  Disc

Viewing:  First (and last)

Director:  Joe Eckardt

Blogger's Note:  Well, pals, here we hit a major milestone of ChabertQuest.  As far as I know, this movie is the last live-action Chabert movie on the list that seems to be available on disc and/ or streaming.  Of the 90 films on my list, only five remain, and I am not sure two of them ever saw the light of day.  And the others may just disappear into the fog of time, never having had a physical or streaming media release.  That said, I'd love to finish off the list.  

As near as I can guess, this movie was a money laundering scheme.  Like, bring in money saying you have name people but spend none of it on the actual movie as you shoot in your house.

There's no obvious script to High Hopes (2006), it genuinely feels like they had a rough idea of what they wanted to do, but then they just kind of shot a movie - sometimes with lines, sometimes not - when they had enough actors in the room.  Or, they had rewrites and more rewrites on a movie that is 99.99% set up for a punchline that is telegraphed well in advance, bigoted and was never going to be funny.

Wise Western Watch: Blood On The Moon (1948)

Watched:  02/20/2026

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert Wise

Blood On The Moon (1948) is much more of what I expect from Robert Wise as a director than our last watch - Mystery in Mexico.  

Here, Wise is directing a cast led by Robert Mitchum, with Robert Preston, Barbara Bel Geddes, Walter Brennan, Phyllis Thaxter, Tom Tully, Charles McGraw, and a host of actors you've seen in other films.

Mitchum plays a failed rancher from Texas who heads to Utah for a job offered by his buddy Robert Preston - and it seems that job is acting as a hired gun in a cold range war.  Preston has teamed with other homesteaders against big-time rancher Lufton (Tom Tully) and he's trying to screw Lufton out of his range and cattle.

It's kind of wild as I don't know if I've seen the homesteaders cast in this light before - usually it's one of the big-money ranchers bumping off homesteaders (see: Shane).  And there's certainly the idea presented the rancher has been hassling these people.

Fantasy Watch: Red Sonja (2025)

Watched:  02/15/2026

Format:  Kanopy

Viewing:  First

Director:  M.J. Bassett

Jim had been rec'ing this movie at me for a while, and the man knows me well.  

Heads up - most people are going to dismiss this movie, and that's fine.  And maybe my reasons for saying "this is kind of cool" won't add up, but here we go.

I have no idea what the budget was for Red Sonja (2025) but it's certainly not a $150 million.  So, this is a movie that does a lot of "you get the idea" hand waving with FX and sets, etc...  that was part and parcel of exactly this kind of movie when it was starring Brigitte Nielsen and making me stay up way too late on a Saturday in middle school.  And, in fact, I'm kind of wondering if we lost something about the charm and allure of those movies when all they had were talent in front of and behind the camera, where a movie would sink or swim based on story and characters.  And cool ideas.  We couldn't just smother everything with CGI.

Stupid Valentine's Watch: Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011)

they tried to combine the "Love, Actually" poster design with an Apatow design

Watched:  02/14/2026

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Directors:  Glenn Ficarra and John Requa

Two time stamps on Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011) stick out for me.  

The first was that I had my first chuckle at 22:00 and change.  In a 2 hour movie.  This did not bode well for the "comedy" I'd put on.

The second was that I paused the movie to do something thinking there was maybe 10 minutes left and there was still 54 minutes of movie, and (a) I could not believe how long this movie felt and (b) I had the passing thought that this was the sort of movie critical milksops like Owen Gleiberman used to wet themselves over in the 90's.  Movies that think they have something to say, some poetic statement about life and love, but are just absolutely hollow and maybe kind of rotten inside.

Gleiberman, then plaguing Entertainment Weekly, gave it an A.*  

When people say "what happened to romantic comedies?" - this is what happened to them.  We decided what rom-coms needed to be were bleak melodramas starring Steve Carrell as a sad sack who keeps taking hits someone thought were funny, but just seem kind of sad, really.  Yes, we all liked The 40 Year Old Virgin, but that was a movie where he was surrounded by really funny people and managed by Judd Apatow.  Here, he's just miserable for two hours.  

Noir Watch: Illegal (1955)

Watched:  02/13/2026

Format:  DVD

Viewing:  First

Director:  Lewis Allen

First, this movie has a terrible title.  I think we can all agree on that.

Second, this movie has amazing design for the titles.  Never mind that they don't fit the mood of the movie.

I feel like Joe Dante would approve.

Edward G. Robinson, the most surprising of leading men til Danny DeVito's star rose unexpectedly in the 1990's, plays a District Attorney for The City.  He's such a cracker jack, he tries his own cases, until one day he accidentally sends DeForest Kelly to the chair. 

The City does not mess around with swift justice.  Like, Edward G. Robinson only has time for dinner after the trial and already Kelly is a dead man walking.  Though Robinson finds out really as fast as one is like to do, he calls the prison just as the lights flicker.

Anyway - disgraced, Robinson quits his job and spirals into drink.  At the bottom of his lowly state he's recruited by a mob boss who wants an attorney on his side, but Robinson knows that once this guy gets his hooks in you, you're stuck forever and declines.  But after he gets involved in an embezzling case, he finds he's accidentally involved with the crook. 

As DA, he was mentoring Nina Foch who he's tried to not get romantic eyes for, pushing her to his investigator.  And Jayne Mansfield shows up as a plucky piano player (famously, she could very much play the piano and other instruments).  

Involved with the gangster, Robinson's desire to win cases takes over and he doesn't care much who he's getting off the hook, or what insane theatrics he needs to perform to win the case.  And the theatrics are insane, indeed.  

He's beating the pants off the DA with such frequency, they begin to suspect there's a mole and look at Foch, who is actually going to Robinson to chastise him for working for the devil.

SPOILERS

Turns out Robinson's investigator pal is also teamed up with the mob.  When his now-wife finds, Foch, that out, he may murder her to keep her quiet, and, cornered, she shoots him dead.  Now that's noir, baby!  

Robinson has to defend her, and things start spilling out.

Look, this wasn't my favorite movie.  I wasn't overly enamored of Foch, who comes off as a stiff.  It's pretty clear Mansfield is there because the studio knew this about Foch (see the above poster).  

In the end Robinson dies so that the Breen Office could be satisfied.  But all he was doing was his job - look,, winning a case is how this works.  And I get that we want a story about a good man who becomes corrupt, and how that could happen - and his last act of heroism (he is dying from an assassin's bullet in the last scene as he gets Foch off the hook).  But it just never feels as epic as the movie thinks it is.

And I get that they were trying to do something cute with the name "Illegal", but it's kind of indicative of how this movie works.  You can see what they're doing, but it's just not that exciting.

Robinson is watchable enough to carry the movie, but, yeah, this was just not my thing.  

Finland Watch: Sisu (2022)

Watched:  02/11/2026

Format:  Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jalmari Helander

My mother's parents were both from Finland.*  So, growing up, I heard and saw the word "sisu" here and there.  Occasionally I'd see it printed on something, and upon trying to understand what it was, never really put it together.  It's funny, because Sisu (2022) starts by saying the term is "untranslatable", and then spends the runtime of the movie showing instead of telling.  And if you still don't get it by movie's end, ain't no one going to be able to help you.

It will not hurt to Google "Finland in WWII" for a quick synopsis of the rotten position Finland was in before, during and after WWII.  As a nation bordering the Soviet Union, who had tried to claim Finland almost immediately after the Communist take-over, After The Winter War of 1939-1940, Finland lost swaths of land but was not annexed.  Finland sided with the Nazis for several years of the war against the USSR, seeing an alliance as a chance to get the land back.  

In the end, they switched teams, forming an alliance with the Soviets and purging the Nazis from Finland (especially Lapland).  

But that's just the backdrop.

The movie is extraordinarily simple.  A former Finnish soldier, who lost everything (family, home, etc...) during the war with the USSR, has turned his back on people and World War II raging around him.  During the war, he was known as "The Immortal" - seemingly unstoppable and unkillable, and racking up a massive body count.  While war rages around him, he's out in Lapland digging for gold and hanging with his dog.

While riding his horse back to civilization with a coupleof bags of gold, he passes Nazis going back to Germany, the tail end of the Nazi occupation, and leaving with everything behind them burning.  Being Nazis, they begin to mess with our hero, and... then it's mostly a Tom and Jerry cartoon, with Aatami (Jorma Tommila) - aka: The Immortal - killing a whole lot of Nazis and liberating a truckload of comfort women, who are happy to join in on this revenge thing.

It falls in line with a John Wick sort of movie, where a plot is a pretext for action sequences, and the stakes never really get higher or lower than survival on either side.  And, as this movie is 85% blowing up National Socialists, it's hard to dislike.  

The "sisu" in question is Aatami's drive to wipe the map of every last one of these bastards, paired with his endurance to withstand their assaults.  

I was a big fan of Rare Exports when I finally saw it, and Jalmari Helander, the writer/director here, is the same brain behind this movie and its sequel.  He knows how to do *a lot* with what he has on hand - like... Lapland.  He also isn't afraid to swing for the fences with extremes, making most horror movies look tame in comparison to the havoc wrought by Aatami.  

The movie is a bit of a cathartic cartoon, and that's okay.  If the worst thing that happens out of this is we all learn the word "sisu" and embrace the concept, we're none the worse off.

 

*my grandfather was actually from the border of Finland and Sweden and spoke only Swedish until he immigrated to the U.S. and landed in a Finnish community.  In the US he learned both Finnish and English.  And married my Finnish grandmother.  It's also worth noting, my mother was a very late addition to the family, and my grandparents were born between 1898 and 1908, so everything was very old school with them.

Chabert Watch: What If God Were The Sun? (2007)

Watched:  02/07/2026

Format:  Disc

Viewing:  First

Director:  Stephen Tolkin

We're still working our way through the Chabert-a-Tron 3000, and this checks another box.  I think I've only found one more movie was released on disc, so after that... who knows?

A pre-Hallmark Chabert had such a weird career.  Maybe all actors have an odd, bumpy start, but this movie was made in the thick of the period where Chabert was doing a lot of roles in scrappy indie movies you've never heard of, but then she was getting good work in smaller movies like Reach For Me which feel like they're at least trying to do something a bit more meaningful.  

I'm not really familiar with the Lifetime Network oeuvre, but this movie is much more in line with Reach For Me than it is, say, Be My Baby or The Pleasure Drivers.  And, it's another one of Chabert's movies where she works with one of the greats.  This time, her co-star is Gena Rowlands.

The six degrees of separation with Chabert is bananas.

Welsh Watch: How Green Was My Valley (1941)

Watched:  02/07/2026

Format:  Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  John Ford

Pondering how many Maureen O'Hara movies I'd actually seen, I noted I'd never seen How Green Was My Valley (1941), a massive Academy Award winner than got Best Picture the year Citizen Kane was nominated.  It's funny as not much changes with the Academy - a deeply sentimental movie with some good social points and dripping with nostalgia beat out a technical and narrative achievement that trades weepy for chilling.  

Based on a popular 1939 novel, the movie retains the approach, like a memoir detailing the various incidents and threads that shape the decline of a mining community in Southern Wales presumably in the late 19th Century.  In addition to O'Hara as the sister in a family with five brothers, the movie's focal point and narrator is a very young Roddy McDowall, who slowly loses his innocence and idyllic youth.  We also have Walter Pidgeon as a pastor at the church, Donald Crisp as the father navigating the changes - sometimes well, sometimes less well.  And there's an army of people you'll recognize from The Quiet Man, part of Ford's company of players.  

First Watch: The Parent Trap (1961)

Watched:  02/05/2026

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  First

Director:  David Swift

So, The Parent Trap (1961) is one of those movies that gets so heavily referenced, I figured I was good skipping it.  Twins (Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills) are separated at birth, one goes with Mom (a radiant Maureen O'Hara) and one goes with Dad (Brian Keith) - and neither is supposed to know the other exists.  For reasons.

Kids meet at camp, figure out they're sisters, and swap places for a bit til it's time to reveal who they are and force their parents back together.  Wackiness ensues.  

After we finished The Muppet Show special on Disney+, the menu offered up this movie, and I mentioned I'd never seen it, and Jamie insisted.  I mean, it was not exactly a hard sell.  I'll watch Maureen O'Hara read the dictionary.

Anyhoo, my impression of the plot was largely right.  What I wasn't prepared for is the kind of dark sense of humor the movie has, and that it's even a little bawdy at times - for a live-action Disney movie from 1961.  It's really funny.

Yeah, I really liked The Parent Trap.  Who knew?

Up All Night Watch: Assault of the Party Nerds (1989) & Assault of the Party Nerds 2 (1995)

Watched:  01/17 and 02/04/2026

Format:  YouTube - Up All Night

Viewing:  First/ First

Director:  Richard Gabai

Rhonda Shear is back with an all-new version of her 90's show Up All Night, now playing on YouTube.  

Look, I'm not going to discuss these two movies.  They're B movies from jump, and proud of it.  One is a Revenge of the Nerds knock-off, and one is a movie about our lead/ director as now a private detective.

Of note - Linnea Quigley appears in both movies.  Troy Donahue appears in the first.  Burt Ward, Rhonda Shear appear in the second.

While both movies are exactly the stunning material you're used to from Up All Night, the Rhonda-starring Up All Night bumpers are the highlight.  Richard Gambai appears with both movies, but he and Rhonda do a bit of a retrospective and talk about their 90's glory days.  It's kind of interesting to hear about working in the fringes during that period.  

If the show seems like it's trying to figure itself out - in all fairness, Up All Night was also reinventing itself constantly over its 8 year run.  So it's just kind of whatever it needs to be at any given time.

Western Watch: How The West Was Won (1962)

Watched:  02/02/2026

Format:  Disc

Viewing:  First

Directors:  John Ford - Henry Hathaway - George Marshall

The word that leaps to mind watching How The West Was Won (1962) is "spectacle".  Really, I'm not sure I've ever seen anything else quite like it.  

It's a movie with an overture and intermission and exit music.  Its runtime is almost three hours.  There are three big directors!

It was shot for Cinerama - one of two movies ever shot in the format.  It's intended to be a nigh-immersive experience, with three sync'd 35mm projectors running in unison against a curved screen that surrounds you at about 140 degrees.  

Raimi Watch: Send Help (2026)

Watched:  02/01/2026

Format:  Alamo

Viewing:  First

Director:  Sam Raimi

So, two things before we get started.

1.  Back in college, my movie buddy was CB.  We went to film school together back in the day and saw lots and lots of movies together.  Turns out, CB now lives very close to me, and for the first time in decades we were taking in a genre movie like it was the mid-90's all over again.  (I saw Dead Alive with CB, for example).  Shout out to CB!

2.  I have Rachel McAdams face blindness.  It's a serious condition.  Jamie thinks it's a funny game to ask me occasionally who that person is on TV or in an ad or whatever, and I never know who she is.  I have no idea why.  She's a perfectly lovely woman, but if I was the witness when she committed a crime, she'd get off scot free.  Sure, I'll recognize her here, but when she's in her next movie trailer, Jamie will ask me again who that actress is, and I will have no idea.

This is also the third movie I've seen inside of a month that was about getting marooned on an island.  January 4th, we watched a Hallmark movie, Lost in Paradise and last week we watched A Game of Death.  Love an unintentional theme.  

If you've seen the trailer, you know what this movie is about.

Amazon Watch: The Wrecking Crew (2026)

Watched:  01/31/2026

Format:  Amazon Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Angel Manuel Soto

So, I was a fan of The Expanse, and I saw Frankie Adams - who played Martian Gunnery Sergeant Roberta Draper on the show - was in a new action movie with Jason Mamoa and Dave Bautista.  So, despite some negative stuff I'd seen online, I put on The Wrecking Crew (2026).  

Positives:  

• it does have Frankie Adams
• there's some bits about Hawaiian culture I didn't know
• you get to see Hawaii

Negatives:  

• this movie is terrible

Wise Watch: Criminal Court (1946)

Watched:  01/29/2026

Format:  A shady Russian website

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert Wise

I have to assume this 62 minutes flick was a B-movie in the classic sense.  The term originated not to mean a cheesy movie, but the way movies *used* to work was that you would basically pay to enter the theater any time that night, and there would be the feature movie, or A-movie.  But there would also be cartoons, newsreels, etc...  and a B-movie.  And that generally meant a cheaper feature film that was not as full of stars, big sets, etc...  And usually it had a shorter run-time.  Some of those B-movies were very popular, after all - people were still trying to make something good.*

This movie feels almost like it should be part of a series, but it's not.  There are characters who we just know as "types", so the familiarity makes it feel like you've just walked in during the first Season 2 episode of an ongoing show.  The flick stars Tom Conway as a Matlock-like defense attorney who is prone to in-court antics that would more likely land him in jail than get his clients exonerated.  In fact, to prove one guy is not a credible witness, he fakes a breakdown and wields a revolver in court, threatening people.

Unless that's an approved method on the bar exam.  You lawyers let me know.