Not Quite Christmas Watch: Winter In Vail (2020) - a study in StrudelFest

Watched:  12/19/2024

Format:  Hallmark Streaming

Viewing:  First

Director:  Terry Ingram

So.... we were maybe 35 minutes into this movie before I realized it wasn't a Christmas movie.  It was a "winter" movie.  I guess this is what Hallmark puts on between Christmas and springtime?  I don't know.  

This movie was essentially a misguided travel brochure for Vail, Colorado, which - as I understand it - is a high end resort town and place for rich people to live and play.  I've been to Colorado once for 3 days for a conference.  It was nice.

The basic gist is that Lacey Chabert is a go-getter at an events planning company.  She's by-passed for a much deserved promotion the same time she inherits a whole "chalet" in Vail, and says "@#$% it, I'm quitting and heading for Vail."

She meets a nice handy-man/ failed architect, gets to see very select parts of Vail and Canada doubling for Vail, and - this is where things get dicey - gets involved with the "old town" portion of Vail that the movie purports to be a sort of hokey German styled tourist trap, where people wear lederhosen and sell German food.*  I assume this is a real thing in Vail.

But by 2020, Vail was also where one went for high end cuisine and fancy nouveau riche nonsense like drinking hot chocolate with gold in it, and I guess the folks who go to Vail in this world abandoned the kitschier part of town.  I have to think calling out people for not sticking to schnitzel and their roots and side-eyeing tourists for wanting sushi is probably a fair point?  Maybe?  But it seems like poking the town you're filming in in the eye for being what it is, is maybe an iffy proposition.  Although this columnist was pretty sure a lot of this wasn't even Vail, and the idea of this house in Vail was even wackier and wasn't so sure they all eat German food non-stop in Vail.

Using her event planning super powers, Chabert cooks up "StrudelFest" to attract people back to German-land.  It works, blah blah blah.  

Anyway, the most fun part of this whole movie is that they simply cannot stop saying StrudelFest.  Once the word is introduced, it's repeated every 30 seconds until the end of the film.  

I think Jamie and I have decided that "StrudelFest" is our go-to codeword for "things are getting out of control" - perfect for the holidays.  

There's something about the need for StrudelFest at all in the movie and the slobs vs snobs posturing that winds up getting squished in favor of including the high-end chefs as judges for Strudelfest's Strudel Contest that just feels like it's both giving us the necessary party, and throwing fuel on the unnecessary fire.  It's a real StrudelFest.

Never before in a narrative has strudel played such a vital part.

StrudelFest.

There's a lot more to this, but no one cares, and all I want to do is talk StrudelFest.

*Central Texas has a heritage of Czech and German settlers.  So I'm actually pretty familiar with the odd Oktoberfest-style celebrations and whatnot 

Hallmark Holidaze Watch: Time For Us To Come Home For Christmas (2020)

run away, Lacey!

Watched:  12/18/2024

Format:  Amazon Streaming - Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  David Winning

So:  Tonight Jamie and I admitted to each other that we weren't going to watch any of our usual holiday movies.  We gripped hands, Thelma and Louise style, and declared we are going over the Hallmark cliff this year.  I still have two movies I want to get in that are not Hallmark, but if it doesn't happen, I'll live.

Also - I started wondering if the movies at Hallmark had actually gotten better and harder to drag, or if I just got soft.  I mean, I keep talking about how Hallmark recognized it's issues and doesn't make the exact same junk anymore.

Well.  Thank you, Time For Us To Come Home For Christmas (2020), because I've realized, it not me, it's Hallmark.  Or, it was, as recently as 2020.  This movie was super fun to riff and I had a great time.

What's remarkable about Time For Us To Come Home For Christmas is that it's a horror movie in almost every way, but instead of it ending with Lacey Chabert running for her life before putting an axe through a dude's skull, it wimps out and has a nice, Hallmark ending.

Why it's a horror film:  

Hallmark Holidaze Sequel Watch: Three Wiser Men and a Boy (2024)

Watched:  12/17/2024

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Terry Ingram

For some time, we have lived in a world where Hallmark and Netflix Christmas movies have sequels.  We catch up with our imaginary friends and see them grow a little more, learn and love a little more, and pretend that the houses they're in are the same ones from the prior film, when they kind of aren't.

As predicted, we watched Three Wiser Men and a Boy (2024), the follow up to 2022's Three Wise Men and a Baby.  

Remarkably, this film got back all but one of the large original cast - Ali Liebert, one of the romantic interests - and brings in Erin Karpluk as a different sort of match.  It's also written by the team of Sustad and Campbell (returning) and tapped in the apparent go-to for making sure your holiday movies are nailing the comedy, Russell Hainline (Hot Frosty, Santa Class).  

It's now roughly 5 years after the events of the epilogue to the first film.  Our three brothers have new spins on the problems they had in the first film.  But now Thomas, the baby, is a boy in Kindergarten.  They accidentally wreck the school Christmas play and are made to take it over, while also all de-camping to their mother's house again for Christmas.  Meanwhile, Mom is now dating someone - a nice-guy pastor.

This film definitely ups the wacky-factor, and is more in line with what I expected from hearing the first one was zany.  And it works!  It is zany.  It is also heartfelt, and, maybe because it is building on the prior movie it is assuming you've seen, actually has problems for the characters that feel semi real, even if they manifest in goofy ways.

I do think the movie falls prey a bit to illogical things occurring for sake of the movie, and that's okay.  Videogames in 2024 are not made by a single person.  No principal would bring in 3 unlicensed people they remember as bad students 30 years later in order to put on a Christmas play - they'd cancel it.  Nothing about how a play is put together here makes any sense, but all right.  Look - it's fine!  This is a hyper Christmas reality.  I get it.  You don't do this, you don't get the jokes.

The one thing I will absolutely buy is that child-free uncles would buy peanut-laden cookies for kids and not think about it.  This is me.

But, yes, if you like the first movie, this is more of that, and that is not a criticism or complaint.  It's an acknowledgement, but - I do think, on reflection, that on a channel that is usually focusing on the issues of women, they do have this movie about men in semi-crisis.  Boys and men adapting to their moms having inner lives is hard.  We don't just overcome anxiety with a system, we live with it and work with it.  We can go from being tired of being depended upon to wondering why nobody seems to need us.  We don't always get what we want, but if we try sometimes, we might just find, we get what we need.

Also, off-brand Christmas pageants are inherently funny.

The movies just aren't long enough to spend runtime on all of the partners of the men, especially now that they needed to show the kids (who were all pretty solid kid actors.  Well done, movie) and the three brothers interacting with them.  But, who knows?  Maybe in two years they wives and partners get a bit more screentime for 3 Wisened Men.

Hallmark Holidaze Watch: Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022)

this movie's title is way better in Portuguese

Watched:  12/16/2024

Format:  streaming

Viewing:  First

Director:  Terry Ingram

So, among the new formulas Hallmark has been deploying, one mainstay has been the adaption of concepts from older, popular films but not so close there's potential legal action, and mostly by Hallmarking them up.  You liked Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade?  Go enjoy The Christmas Quest.  Any of a hundred snobs versus slobs comedies?  Go see The Santa Class.  It's nothing new in movies to lightly borrow from each other - or heavily borrow - and Hallmark is not alone in this.  But there's a certain gloss that makes things Hallmark, from casting to the required baking scenes.  And that's fine.  It's an all-new version of Hallmark bingo.

Three Wise Men and a Baby (2022) echoes the 1980's popular comedy Three Men and a Baby.  It's in the title.  No one is playing hide-the-ball here.   I did not like Three Men and a Baby in the 1980's when I saw it, because I was 13, mostly concerned for the baby, do not swoon over Tom Selleck, and knew the baby would be taken away eventually.  Virile 80's dudes only deal with babies in short bursts.  I'd be lying if I said I remembered details.

Written by Hallmark writer/ actors Kimberley Sustad and Paul Campbell, and directed by workhorse Terry Ingram, this film stars three familiar Hallmark faces - Paul Campbell, Tyler Hynes, and Andrew Walker as three adult brothers, living in close proximity to their single mom, played by ID4's Margaret Colin (the First Lady.  You know who I'm talking about).

Hallmark Holidaze Watch: Santa Class (2024)

Watched:  12/14/2024

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Lucie Guest

So, this was actually funny.  Not laugh-til-you-cry funny, but I guffawed, chortled, etc...  Some laughs came because I couldn't believe this was happening in a Hallmark movie, but mostly because the jokes landed.  It is possible that Hallmark made a pretty funny, okay movie movie utilizing their resources, financial and talent-wise, that wasn't Christmas wallpaper.

So... let's not go crazy overselling this, but I do think it's shocking to see a Hallmark movie with actual comedic timing, funny lines, goofy characters and an underdog storyline that feels like it was imported from a circa 2005 comedy, and made something generally entertaining.

And that's fine!  That is massive progress for Hallmark.  

Holidaze Watch: Christmas Eve in Miller's Point (2024)

Watched:  12/10/2024

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Tyler Taormina

Seeking something new that wasn't released on Netflix or Hallmark, we put on Christmas Eve in Miller's Point (2024).  

Sometimes you see a movie you know is technically very good, and will *definitely* please the sorts of people who become professional film critics, but leaves you absolutely flat by the movie's end.  And, for me, this is one of those.  I feel almost guilty talking about it.  I know of a folk or two who have told me they liked it...  And, to them, I am sorry.

I can acknowledge what the creative team did here was an absolutely remarkable achievement and they pulled off all sorts of things that shouldn't work.  But I finished the movie understanding the point - and still... nothing.  Maybe I'm not in the right frame of mind, or maybe I'm just too old.  Maybe I'm not from Long Island enough.*

The basic set-up is the cacophonous Christmas Eve celebration of a large and extended (and, I think) Italian family in the suburbs outside of New York City.  It's a kaleidoscope of family personalities, issues, and melodrama all caught and crossing in a single evening - the kind of evening like Christmas Eve, which is one of the rare occasions where this much family comes together just to be together. 

Netflix Holidaze: Our Little Secret (2024)

Watched:  12/07/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Stephen Herek

This is a movie with a great set-up, a terrific cast and mediocre execution.  Also, I think I've just seen what Millennial comedy is again, and y'all need to stop explaining your jokes during the joke.  And let people be the villain sometimes.

I'm not sure this movie needed the preamble of a scene from 10 years ago to work, but it has it.  We find that our heroes - Lindsay Lohan and Ian Harding - grew up together and were young lovers.  Tragedy struck as Lohan's mother died, causing Lohan to pursue her dream and leave for London, ie: bailing on Harding.  Harding makes an ass of himself proposing to Lohan at her good-bye party, and she does not accept.  10 years later (now), Lohan and Harding are each going to spend Christmas with their current significant others.  When they arrive, they discover, the significant others are siblings and they have to spend Christmas together.

Funny!  That's awkward!  And you can guess they'll wind up falling for each other again, so it's all right there.  Of course, they keep their former relationship a secret so no jealousies bubble-up, and because secrets in movies are super important for them to work and a disaster in real life.

To add to the mix, Kristin Chenoweth plays the ultra-high-strung, image conscious mom of the family, who has it in for for Lohan for no reason, adores Harding for no reason, and who has very specific ideas about Christmas.  Kind of funny?

The biggest problem with the movie is that it has so many characters, all of whom play a part and are the cogs in the clockwork of the movie, but it leaves people who should be involved and around on the sidelines consistently.  And, *sigh* I just always feel like Lohan is an energy black hole when she's on screen, which leaves Harding to do all the comedic heavy lifting with Chenoweth.  Which is a choice, because they did bring in Tim Meadows and Judy Reyes as family friends (and Reyes has one bit of business she does that was not the focus, and probably got one of the biggest laughs of the whole movies from me).  

It's hard to say exactly why the movie doesn't feel better than what it is.  Maybe it's too polite, or kind or something.  Certainly to avoid conflicts, Harding's girlfriend is practically a cut-out that could have "girlfriend" written on her, and so obviously disposable, it's impossible to get why they're together or why they'd break up at the end.  She just is.  As is the dad.  And a few other characters.

The movie wants to play nice so hard, I think it bends over backward to make sure that no one is a bad person - not even the cheating boyfriend.  Or cheating dad.  Or the would-be-Step-Mom-Monster.  Which just deflates the stakes and conflict - partially because the movie projects the end at the beginning in almost every way. It ends up toothless and safe.   Add in bland set-ups like "she ate THC gummies!" for a ten minute bit, and... man.  It's some choppy waters as you cross this pond.  Hint:  We also all watched Ted Lasso.  Maybe don't try to lightly rewrite an iconic scene?

Add in that it's not clear at all that Lohan and Harding are more than old high school chums through the movie - like, no interest in each other, so much so that I laughed when they said "I love you" at the end...

That said, Chris Parnell sliding in as Dr. Spaceman: Veterinarian was gold.

We put this on because I'd lost all energy to think about what else to watch after Texas football lost to Georgia in an overtime defeat, and I didn't care.  And watching mid movies is what happens when you don't care.  

I'm glad Lohan seems clean and is getting work, I guess.  I've literally just never been her demographic or audience, and all I can think of is how the 00's-era internet kept trying to insist I should care about Lohan's private life, so I feel a vague sense of exhaustion when I see her.

Holidaze Watch: The Finnish Line (2024)

Watched:  12/6/2024   

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Dustin Rikert

Hey!  Looks like The Finnish Line (2024) was directed by the same fellow who did The Christmas Quest.  I guess he spent his year in very cold countries.

As I've tried to communicate, Hallmark has really been trying to branch out for a while.  One way that materializes is in their Let's Go Europe movies where our hero goes overseas and explores the Christmas traditions of Norway, Germany, Ireland, etc...  very European.  I would love for them to do Central and South America.  But if their take on Texas is any indication...

Anyway, this one takes place in Finland.  My mom's parents were from Finland, which has always left me with something of a relationship with the country as happens when one's grandma is serving pickled herring with lunch and your grandpa sounds like the Swedish Chef when he talks (as my friends would tell me).  As an adult I had opportunity to visit Helsinki for work, and... I loved it.  Finland is rad.  More tall people with long torsos who also look awkward in unexpected conversations!  My people!

But aside from my grandparents passing down a deep need for coffee, which I guess is cultural and congenital, most of what I know about Finland is from my visit and what I've seen online.*

This movie is about a young woman born in the US to a Finnish father and American mother.  The father had been a champion dog-sled racer, but had lost his last big race to a bit of a bully, retired from the sport and gone to live in the US.  Now, his daughter has taken up the sport, and is in Finland to take part in the race, and, inevitably, win it, beating her dad's rival.

But, it's also a romantic comedy, sort of, and a movie teaching you a bit about Finnish Christmas traditions and the weird things Finns do as a culture.  Like "Pantsdrunk", which is a publicly acknowledged habit of drinking by yourself in your underwear.  (Keep in mind, Finland is also one of the happiest and best educated countries on Earth).  

Along the way, our racer finds family, love and saunas.  And there's a nice little twist at the end that humanizes our villain in an astounding way.  I was impressed.

The cast is made up of locals and a few American or Canadian actors.  Our lead is Kim Matula (of Texas), and her pal is played by Nichole Sakura, and I knew from The Treasure of Foggy Mountain.  And they're, like, actually funny.  I don't know what happened here, but it's like they were allowed to tell jokes or make stuff up.  And that is *not* the Hallmark way.  

I'm not saying it's a yuk-fest, but I actually lol'd, which does not happen.

They also, by virtue of a 3-day dog sled race, have an element of adventure which these movies simply do not usually have - except for Rikert's other movie this year, I guess.  And they have a lot of sled dogs, extras, etc...  This movie cost someone some money.  Maybe the nation of Finland.  Who can say?

My one thing was seeing - hey, if they'd had the budget, this could have had more dog racing.  I like dogs and races.

*my mom was a late addition to their family, arriving when my Grandpas was 48 or 49, and my grandmother about 38.  Pair this with me showing up in 1975, and my grandparents were both elderly and had Americanized pretty well in the near 50 years they'd already been here and were far more representative of the citizens of Michigan's Upper Peninsula in the 20th Century than anything to do with modern Finland.

Also, Sakura is a smoke-show

Festive Watch: Single All The Way (2021)

Watched:  12/05/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Michael Mayer

Two things:  

1)  I watched this originally during the holidays of 2021, and like a lot of things that happened during Deep COVID - I remembered I had watched this movie, but who was in it?  Couldn't tell you.  Any details other than the basic plot?  Nope.

2)  I also failed to write it up somehow, which is likely *part* of how it was not committed to memory.  So, add another movie to my depressingly large number of movies watched in 2021.

I was looking, and this movie got lukewarm reviews when it came out.  Which is understandable in some ways.  It has a weird Metacritic score of 49 - but based on just six reviews.  And a user score of 6.2, with most people feeling "it's fine", a few not liking it, and twice as many liking it.  

But, especially this year, here's what I'm saying to you people:  The past few years have been marked by people having a rough idea of what a Hallmark movie is, but not really watching them for more than a couple of minutes.  But they don't actually know what they're talking about - and mostly still discussing the movies from eight years ago.  And somehow, if something *resembles* one of those movies in form, it's sport to knock it down a few pegs.  And - fair enough!  Do that.

But if you judge this movie against actual Hallmark movies and not what you imagine Hallmark movies to be, Single All The Way (2021) is *good*.  It is also not Hallmark, it's Netflix, but does mark a seismic shift that occurred when these movies stopped being exclusively about white, straight women of a certain age and the Christmas Tree farmers they fall for.

Holidaze Watch: The Christmas Quest (2024)

I don't think Iceland has fjords...  does it?

Watched:  12/01/2024

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  Dustin Rikert

Selection:  Jamie

Jamie had (wisely) tapped out early on during the Kansas City Chiefs movie I had rolling whilst doing chores, but she did want to sit down and watch this one.  I feel Jamie has really embraced the concept of Hallmark punching above its weight class with some of its movies, and this sure seemed to be one - so...  yes, we watched it.

Friends, do you like Indiana Jones movies?  Sure, we all do.  And so did whomever put this flick together.  

In particular, they seemed to like Last Crusade, which this movie references so hard it spoils a major twist in the first few minutes.  But if you like Last Crusade, you can at least play Indy bingo, matching up the plot points and characters of The Christmas Quest (2024) to one of the most popular films in human history.  

Look, I tip my hat to Hallmark for trying something different - if different is "take bits of Last Crusade and meld them with one of our 'Let's Go Europe' movies of the past few years".  

Holidaze Watch: Holiday Touchdown - a Chiefs Love Story (2024)

Watched:  12/01/2024

Format:  Hallmark

Viewing:  First

Director:  John Putch

When Hallmark announced its slate of 2024 Christmas movies, it was a bit of an eyebrow raiser that they had this one on the docket.  Holiday Touchdown: A Chief's Love Story (2024) seemed like it was just begging for trouble in some ways.  

Usually, Hallmark avoids discussing real-world things, even naming specific teams, if sports are mentioned at all.  Of course, we figured the movie would echo the Taylor Swift/ Jason Kelce romance - something even I know about, and I don't follow the NFL, the Chiefs or Taylor Swift.*   So, to base an entire movie around the fact the Kansas City Chiefs, one of America's most discussed professional football teams has a player in a famous, tabloidy romance, seemed kind of wacky.  

But, heads up - the movie does not acknowledge, reference or spoof the celebrity couple. In fact, the movie is in no way about either a musician or a player at all, not even an assistant coach.  

Stuart, who is KC based, has informed me that Hallmark is headquartered in Kansas City, which I didn't know - so the pieces for why Hallmark went all in on a movie that would feature Andy Reid in a cameo kind of snapped into place.  Loving your football team is, by far, not the worst reason to make a movie.  (if someone made a movie about the University of Texas Longhorns, of course I'd watch)

The plot is, not surprisingly, whisper thin.  Instead, it exists as one part pro-Chiefs propaganda, one part family comedy about a football loving family, and one part absolute nonsense Christmas Hallmark film.  

The idea is that football is what unites us and gives us common ground and something to discuss, which is true.**  Sports are not inherently bad, no matter how many wedgies you got in high school.

Anyhoo, the movie is a soft sell.  So soft, in fact, that the story is about a missing hat.  Like, someone said "so what is the plot of this movie, now that the Chiefs agreed to it?" and Dumb Dave in the corner said "I like hats" and they made that movie, because it doesn't matter.  You know the guy and girl will fall in love, and Kansas City Chiefs will be omnipresent as a force for good.  Why not make the problem a hat?

Hallmark Watch: Haul Out the Holly (2022)

Watched:  11/28/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Maclain Nelson

Selection:  Sorta Jamie/ Sorta Me

Jamie was working on stuffing and rolls for Thanksgiving dinner, and I was cleaning up and doing some Christmas decorating.  And, THAT, friends, is when you put on a Hallmark movie.  

Last year we accidentally watched the sequel to this one (and I forgot to write it up, natch), so, being a pair of curious cats, Jamie and I landed on the original formula: Haul Out the Holly (2022) - now on Netflix.

Here's what I'll say about Haul Out The Holly:  if someone is going to make you watch a Hallmark movie, this is a bad representative of the old archetype and more a reflection of the trends to stop making the same movie over and over.  Like a few from this period, it's trying to be a real movie.  Maybe not a good or memorable movie, but a real comedy with a wacky premise, zany neighbors, and jokes, which is not Hallmark's strong suit.  They do better with movies that are the equivalent of a Glade Plug-In turned up half-way.   But, this movie is just a sort of lo-fi version of an 00's-era Christmas comedy, but so steeped in the very specific idea of what it is, it can just seems unhinged.  And cheerfully unhinged, is, actually the point.  

Ie:  The folks making this knew exactly what they were doing.  

It's also a chance for Chabert to step out from *sincere* Hallmark movies without going 100% meta, and, instead, engage in a wacky comedy, which I am sure she welcomed after laughs in most Hallmark movies that are really a sort of soft, inward smile at best.  And, well, "wacky" comedy.  I did laugh a few times as intended, especially at the neighbor who takes the cookie contest very seriously, played by Melissa Peterman.*  I'm just not sure the jokes are there in quite the way the movie wishes they were, which might be writing, directing, editing... I don't know and don't care.

But every time you think you're about to turn on the movie, the movie leans into the absurdity, and you know - they're just having fun making this dumb movie that doesn't make any sense.

The plot is:  Chabert breaks up with her dopey boyfriend and goes home for Christmas, only to find out her parents aren't just leaving for Florida, they're going on a condo-hunting trip and plan to move away.  Left at her parents' sprawling Salt Lake City McMansion, somehow she's wrapped up in the Christmas Craziness of her parents' street - a place where people practically poop peppermint and Christmas is about ugly sweaters, cookie contests, yard decorations, and basically the higher-end Christmas decorations for one's yard and home.  It has nothing to do with family gatherings, church, presents or anything else.  It's a weird little Christmas-themed cult they've got going, where the HOA President is authorized to cite house guests for inadequate yard nutcrackers.

Chabert left town in part because of her parents' Christmas obsession, but now that she's back, and because she decides she wants to jump the HOA president, she's into it.

Here's the thing - this movie knows how annoying it's own premise is.  But by knowing how nuts it is, they just lean into it more, like a dare.  "Well, you're still here watching this!"

It's... fine?  For what it is?  Chabert makes a curiously good straight man?  

Anyhoo...  It absolutely finished in less than 90 minutes, and I like that.

*who was apparently one of the two hookers from Fargo if you need a blast from the past

Holiday Watch: Hot Frosty (2024)

Watched:  11/24/2024

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jerry Ciccoritti

Selection:  Jamie

Every Christmas, we're inundated not just with Hallmark-style Christmas films - we also get a few comedies, many which that involve some straight up magic as the premise.  After all, it is Christmas, and Christmas includes Heat Misers and flying reindeer and Mariah Carey.

But those Christmas comedies are not always winners.  Last year, I nominated two magical Christmas comedies for some of the worst films I'd seen all year.  Those included Genie and my selection for worst of 2023, Candy Cane Lane.  So I am not just easily in the bag for anything that comes along, Christmas-wise.  (I do remember liking parts of Dashing Through the Snow, but that may have just been Teyonah Parris smiling on screen).

Mostly, this movie made me happy for Lacey Chabert, who accidentally fell backward into being the second-most-popular Hallmark star, and then was promoted to full-Hallmark status when Candace Cameron Bure decided Hallmark was now too woke for her.*

Chabert had been kind of pushing the envelope at Hallmark the last few years, finding movies that didn't exactly fit the Hallmark mold as we knew it.  Haul Out the Holly, por ejemplo, was an attempt to just do a plain 'ol family comedy.  It even has Gen X's favorite Ned, Stephen Tobolowsky.  

Hot Frosty (2024) is a leap into a straight, goofy comedy, as evidenced by some of the casting, from Schitt's Creek's Dustin Milligan to Katy Mixon Greer, who I particularly loved in Eastbound and Down.  I also was delighted to see Lauren Holly show up (and she was really funny, as pre-usual).  And, lastly, if you don't know Craig Robinson and Joe Lo Truligio, well...  your life is a poor shell of an existence and I pity you.  

Christmas Watch: The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (2024)

Watched:  11/23/2024

Format:   Cinepolis Theater

Viewing:  First

Director:  Dallas Jenkins

Selection:  KareBear

So, yes.  This was not entirely my idea. 

The book which inspired the film The Best Christmas Pageant Ever (2024) was a staple in our household while I was growing up.  In it's way, the book was as familiar as Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary for me (I can't speak for Steanso).  But I honestly haven't revisited the book in decades or seen the older movie version with Loretta Swit.  But every Christmas, whether it's at church with my folks or watching someone at the Vatican read scripture, when they get to the right part, I think of Gladys yelling "Hey!  Unto you a child is born!"

For context - While growing up, we were very involved in any church we attended, and my mom, The KareBear, ran the Sunday School at a couple of them.*   My mom's perennial draw to the book likely stemmed from seeing herself in several roles in the book - from the hard-scrabble kid growing up figuring things out, to the pious girl who loves church (our narrator, Beth), and culminating in herself as the overextended mom running a Christmas Pageant wherein things are not ideal.  

I'll admit, from the kid participant perspective in Christmas pageants - this thing lands.  (My earliest memories include my mom making me be an angel in a Vacation Bible School production and having to explain to me that angels are also dudes despite the felt-craft imagery I'd seen to date.)

And, lo, this fall my mother declared that *all she she wanted for Christmas* was for the fam to gather and go see the movie.  So, last night my folks (The Admiral and KareBear), Jamie, Steanso, Cardboard Belts and the kids all went to the theater and caught the film.  

Doc Watch: National Geographic's "Endurance (2024)"

Watched:  11/10/2024

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jimmy Chin, Natalie Hewit, Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi

If you have any passing interest in the the Shackleton expedition, this is both a good summary of what happened - giving the viewer a pretty good idea how Shackleton's expedition to cross Antarctica did not, in fact, work out - but somehow the crew survived two years of nightmare conditions after their ship was first iced-in and then sank.  

The story is paralleled by the contemporary search for The Endurance - lost in the ocean at almost 2 miles down.  

The doc is Nat Geo-worthy, and therefore very watchable.  But here's the thing - Shackleton's expedition was launched in 1914 (it's amazing how small the world got in a 100 years) - and so he was smart enough to bring a filmographer and photographer.  So!  Get ready to see actual filmed footage of the expedition.

Perhaps more controversial - because everyone survived, they were interviewed later.  And so we get snippets of their interviews (not an issue) but excerpts from their diaries are then read by AI versions of those people's voices derived from the interviews.  Which... I guess we can do that now? 

It's a good effect - especially mixed with the silent footage an some re-creations of the events that couldn't be filmed.  

I'm gonna try to let all of that pass without too judgment.  We're in a new era of media, and I'm not sure that didn't have an interesting effect.  I know we're all supposed to be mad at AI all the time, but it's an interesting use of the technology.

There is a moment in the doc that left me dumbfounded where the scientists say "hey, we ran this program to guess the drift of the Endurance based on some details in the original logs" - and if you're me, you're staring goggle-eyed that they mounted this whole expedition and are more than 10 days in when they thought this up.  Like - not to be a dick, but I literally *assumed* they'd done this just to get funding.

All's well that ends well, and the film does wrap up with nice footage of the Endurance at the bottom of the Antarctic waters

Crime Watch: Wolfs (2024)

Watched:  11/09/2024

Format:  Apple+

Viewing:  First

Director:  John Watt

We've fallen into a pattern on the weekends.  Fridays - we watch something silly, funny, etc...  On Saturday, if we aren't busy, we watch something we've meant to catch on streaming.  And, Wolfs (2024) is one of the films, as is the Matt Damon one also sitting in queue over on Apple+, a service I'm not all that interested in minus MLS soccer.  But it's free through T-Mobile and was the home for Ted Lasso, and so here I sit.

The draw, of course, is that you liked George Clooney and Brad Pitt's dynamic in the Oceans 11 movies that happened more than 20 years ago.  And I did.  And the movie was essentially free, so... we watched it.

I will confess - I am not in love with the work of writer/ director John Watt, and so when his name popped up at the beginning, I kind of braced myself.  Watt turns in movies that are... fine.  They're never bad, but they're also never exactly sparking with auteurism or breaking new ground.  

The central conceit of the movie is that a Manhattan DA (Amy Ryan, always welcome) is frolicking with a young man who is not her husband, in a hotel room, when he falls off the bed and seemingly dies after hitting his head.

She has a phone number for a cleaner - a job I assume might exist? - who covers up the accidents and mis-doings of powerful and wealthy people.  We got this idea from Pulp Fiction, where Harvey Keitel was absolutely amazing as The Wolf - which is where I assume they took the name for this film.  And let me tell you how old one feels when a movie they watched 30 years ago is referenced this way.  But this is how culture works.

If you were counting on loving the banter between Clooney and Pitt, you basically get the idea and then it just keeps happening for 1/2 of the movie.  Which is a real YMMV proposition.  I get the feeling Clooney and Pitt and Watt were having a grand time doing this.  But it feels like the movie just takes forever to get going, and the gags it wants to do - this is a comedy - are a light chuckle more than a laugh-out-loud proposition.  Plus, it takes a minute to figure out how goofy this world is that we're in, as there's really no clues about it until... I dunno, 45 minutes in?

I also cannot for the life of me figure out why Amy Ryan's character was picking up this absolute dweeb of a guy.

Anyway, the movie is fine.  It really doesn't mark out any new territory, but if you're looking for a lower-budget hang with the guys you liked around 2001, you can do way worse.  I do like a good hang with these guys!  And a walk-on by Richard Kind (who publicly said this year he doesn't turn any roles down, which is hilarious).  

SPOILERS

The movie ends in a sort of Butch and Sundance moment, but apparently they're making another one.  Which... I think Butch and Sundance also got an off-brand sequel so maybe that's fine.

The back 1/3rd of the movie is, for my dollar, what the whole movie could have/ should have been - a sort of absurdist fantasy of this world.  And maybe the sequel will lean into what worked, now that we've gotten past the squabbling part.

Doc Watch: Music By John Williams (2024)

Watched:  11/06/2024

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  First

Director:  Laurent Bouzerau

I don't have a special relationship with the music of John Williams - we *all* have that relationship.  

Music lays there in your mind somewhere next to the smells of your grandparents' basement that will come back to you when you smell something similar, or the taste of the food from your youth.  And John Williams' music was as important to us as pop, as Christmas music, as *anything* we heard growing up.

Of course there are other great movie composers... but probably the vast majority of them I'd put anywhere in the category of Williams are dead.  And none who seemed to hit with every score.

My earliest memories are of John Williams' music.  As a very small kid, post-Star Wars, we'd Imperial March around the house.  I remember the Christmas after Empire came out, my cousin Susan had purchased me the two-record soundtrack, and I lay on the floor listening to it over and over. 

Now, I get teary hearing Leia's theme - and have since Force Awakens reused it as Leia came off the ship. I still feel my pulse quicken to the Indiana Jones theme, or Superman.  I feel that pit in my stomach when I hear the Schindler's List score, or swell with wonder with Jurassic Park and Close Encounters.  Or ET.

We could probably rattle off his scores all day.  He's made plenty (I about gasped when I saw Home Alone for the first time since high school a couple of years ago and John Williams' name was on the film).  Honestly, it's staggering how prolific he's been, and that's part of what the doc tries to cover.  It's not just one Star War - it's 9.  It's not one Indy movie, it's 5.  

For reference, IMDB has him with the following telling stats for credits

• Music Department:  321
• Composer:  177
• Soundtrack:  517 (this is a mish-mash of work he did used on films - like "Superman Main Titles" being used on Superman IV)

I will be honest - I found out I knew absolutely nothing about John Williams while watching the doc.  My assumptions about who he was, his background, his education... all completely wrong.  I won't get into his background - that's in the doc.  But I will say that if I appreciated Williams before, I'm in absolute awe of him now, and don't just think he's a genius, he's a prodigy.

I was also unaware of his personal tragedy, or how he fell in with the biggest filmmakers of the past several decades.  

The doc trots out a who's-who of personalities, none of them a lightweight, to make their arguments for Williams, to talk about their experience working with him, and it's all a delight.  I am fine with the narrative that Williams' genius is innate, he's kind, etc...  the man is the greatest possible argument for the value of sound in movies, and maybe the last great orchestrator for film.

And, yes, I don't understand why - in this era of franchise pictures - we don't have more folks emulating Williams.

What I agree with - and looking at the listings for the Austin Symphony bares this out - is that film music is now as serious and important to symphonies as anything.  Sure, you still have the heavy hitters - some Mozart, Dvorak - but there's the show the whole family will dig.  John Williams.  

Anyway - watch the doc.  I found myself getting a bit emotional.  That music has a hold on you and taps into something pretty serious, and hearing all of it together is *a lot*.  But watch the doc and learn more about the man and the myth.

Happy 70th Anniversary Watch: Godzilla Minus One (2023)

Watched:  11/03/2024

Format:  AMC

Viewing:  4th

Director:  Takashi Yamakazi

So... I think today, November 3rd, 2024 - is the 70th Anniversary of the release of Gojira.  

If you've never seen the original Gojira, do so.  It's a moody meditation on impossible odds, destruction brought about by one's own hand, and the impossible decision to use unthinkable science to end a conflict.  All pretty big stuff for Japanese audiences back in 1954.  

It's a solid movie, and it's amazingly weird that within a few movies that walking metaphor was battling Mechagodzilla and teaming up with Mothra.

Since then, there have been a few attempts to bring Godzilla back to his roots as a fearsome product of nature and man's bungling with science.  Godzilla 1984/ Return of Godzilla is a notable version.  And I thought Shin Godzilla from a few years ago was a slam dunk - and continue to think so (and am ready for a rewatch).  

But for those who follow this site, Godzilla Minus One is the one that landed with me.  I wound up seeing it three times in the theater during the initial run from November of last year, through January of this year.  

• Screening 1
• Screening 2
• Screening 3

To celebrate G's 70th Anniversary, Toho re-released Minus One in limited theaters and for a limited time.  Honestly, I'd have gone to see any Godzilla movie except maybe All Monsters Attack.  But on the heels of an Academy Award win and with Godzilla's big birthday, Toho announced they're going to make a second installment by writer/ director Takashi Yamakazi just this week.

Big news in my world.

look at these nerds

At the screening, Toho provided about 15 minutes of interview/ Q&A footage with Yamakazi and his creative partner, whose name I failed to get.

I do love me some Godzilla in all of his forms (more or less).  It was good to spend a couple of hours with the big guy once again.

Somehow Not 1998 Watch: Canary Black (2024)

Watched:  11/3/2024

Format:  Amazon Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Pierre Morel

I always intend to watch the espionage-ish movies I see go by on streaming services.  They're usually shot in Eastern Europe and with women with cool hair.  And let me tell you - Kate Beckinsale's hair is so cool in this movie, it's its own character.  This is not a complaint.

The basic pitch of Canary Black (2024) is that there's a MacGuffin, and if Kate Beckinsale doesn't get it and deliver it to the baddies, then they'll kill her poor husband, who is just a nice Doctors Without Borders doctor who doesn't know his globe-trotting wife is a bad-ass spy.  Avery agrees, and this sends the CIA after Avery Graves (Beckinsale), and now she's in a dilly of a pickle.  

The plot is mostly an excuse to give Beckinsale tons of opportunities to (a) look amazing in all black on the nighttime streets of Eastern-Europe-Land, and (b) kick so many people's asses that John Wick would raise a glass to her.

Geriatric Watch: Thelma (2024)

Watched:  11/02/2024

Format:  Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Josh Margolin

So, Thelma (2024) is basically every one of my anxieties about what's coming with my parents - and, god willing, eventually myself - but with a laugh track.

I want to be clear, this is a good movie.  I died laughing at some parts.  But I also did not laugh at other parts I know were supposed to be funny, and that's on me and my hang-ups and not on the movie.  

The basic set-up is that an elderly woman, Thelma (June Squibb), who loves her 24-year-old grandson, is scammed by someone pretending to be her grandson on the phone and sends $10,000 to a PO Box, lest he rot in jail.* When she finds her grandson is safe and it was a scam, she goes on a mission to retrieve her money, against the express wishes of her daughter - Parker Posey, typically *great* - and her son-in-law, good ol' Clark Gregg.

There's certainly some valid critique of how the elderly adults and the adult children are infantilized by the functional adults, as it's maybe more convenient for the middle-aged adults to feel they have everything contained.  The movie also has a nice story of a young man realizing maybe he is slightly capable if he stops living with his parents guard rails.

The cast is solid - June Squibb is the definition of "working actor" and it's amazing to see her get a starring role at this point in her career.  Richard Roundtree plays her pal, and he's... really good.  Which I guess isn't a shock (RIP, Richard Roundtree).  The grandson is Fred Hechinger, who manages to take a character I'd normally have minimal sympathy for and make him likable.  

The movie is not as wacky as I'd believed it would be, but more absurdist and a lot depressing in ways I was unclear it intended to be.  But you can't beat the senior citizens home's take on Annie.  I kind of get the feeling the people find this particularly funny are not the ones living with the absolute certainty they're getting tapped to handle everything when the time comes and have already been thinking about these things for a decade or two.

Anyway, it was fine.  Any issues with it are my own issues.

*this is a real scam, and people are now using AI to mimic people's voices.  What doesn't make sense is that the US mail apparently finds and sorts the mail the same day.  Also - why Thelma doesn't just ask the cops to go to the local PO Box.  A huge number of these scammers are overseas or VPNing from across the country.