I Just Walked Out of a Movie (because going to the theater sucks)

I'd love to also sit by myself in a theater with functioning chairs

Dear Nicole Kidman,

I love movies.  I do.  But... in the past couple of years, I've really grown to hate going to the movies. 

Here in 2025, there are no theaters that are all upside.  The Alamo is... fine.  A shadow of its heyday from a decade ago, and is currently a nightmare for labor.  How much I want to overpay for mediocre food is also part of the equation.  I've been relatively enthusiastic about the new chain, Cinepolis, but last time I saw a movie there, I realized we'd dropped > $100, and I just got mad.  I used to be able to do a full trip to the movies for $10.  Yes, inflation, but...

Nicole, I just tried to go see a movie at the theater run by your employer, AMC, by attending a screening at the Barton Creek 14.  I wound up walking out five minutes into the movie.

Things seemed afoul from when the moment we stepped in the lobby.  

Scanning my ticket from the app went fine.  But, then, there was a single person working the concession counter.  

She was standing in front of a pizza oven for a full 90 seconds without acknowledging us or making eye contact.  Rude.  When the pizza was done (something that apparently requires singular focus), she had to box the pie and bring it over to the customer, wherein she engaged in some conversation.  Then she went and started doing something in a binder for at least a minute or two as we continued to stand there.  

I am sure all of those steps were important, but I don't give a @#$%, Nicole.  When I walk up to the counter and there's no one else there (the customer was, I think, an employee and was dashing around even while we waited), I kind of expect to at least get a "hang on a minute, I will be right with you" to acknowledge I have genuine American dollars to buy candy and soda and they will take them.

She finally came around, mumbling "...sorry".  I communicated a need for a soda, swiftly paid, tapping my card, and she was gone.  The paper cup she handed me for the soda was crushed, but she'd already walked off, so I decided to make do.  

Honestly, I literally did not have to pay for my $12 in candy.  I could have told Jamie to go sit down, and no one would stop us - which I am positive happens.  This is bad for AMC on so many levels.  

I ventured to the self-serve soda machines with my bent cup, and, of course, there was no ice in one self-serve soda machine, and no Coke products in the other.  Between the two, I got my soda and ice, but it was completely flat.  

Nicole, who would one even tell at the theater that the soda is flat who would notice and do something about it?  Apparently no one, because last time I was there a few months ago, the soda was flat, then, too.  And the two times before.

Our showtime was 3:30.  We sat at 3:22, and watched the same four ads over and over until 3:30. Why ads?  I don't know.  I just spent $26 for tickets and $20 for soda and two candies, that would have been $7 at the corner store. I do not think the concession worker makes $100K a year that we need to cover.

At 3:30, I did my routine pre-movie run to the men's room as the Welcome to The Theater bit started, and, whaddaya know?  Were there paper towels in the Men's room?  In the middle of the day?  On the weekend?  No.  Was water everywhere?  Yes, liquid of some sort was scattered hither and yon.

Look, staffing was just not a thing at the theater today, Nicole.  One concession-stand person and one ticket taker were all I saw.  And one dude I saw barreling around not doing anything, but I always see that dude barreling around when I'm there.  Maybe he is the manager.  Perhaps the projectionist.  He always looks upset and is moving swiftly so one does not speak to him.

We were treated to literally 28+ minutes of trailers before you appeared, Nicole Kidman, to assure me that your theaters are the land of wonder and magic.  I was about to partake in a nigh-mystical experience.  But I have to wonder... is this what it's like when you or your buddies trying to save cinema go to see a movie?  Do you usually sit through commercials before wading through trailers equal to 1/3rd the runtime of the movie?  Do you find there are no paper towels in the bathroom?  I assume you have not had a soda since the 1980's, so I won't ask about that.  

Here's my thing about all the trailers:  after the fourth or fifth trailer, I'm just mad at every trailer I have to look at which follows.  Especially when the trailers are for a string of horror and horror adjacent thrillers when I am not there to see a horror movie.  By the 10th trailer, I'm having a negative reaction to perfectly cromulent trailers because I am put out I'm looking at that and not the movie I paid to see.  

Of course, the real kicker is, Nicole, that all during the trailers people were talking loudly, which I took as a bad omen. 

This was not the "let's chat softly while the trailers run", this was "we're still having the conversation we were having in the car over the road noise, and carried on into the theater before the lights dimmed" chatter.  This is "we're two pals who haven't seen each other in a bit, and we maybe should have just gotten a booth at the Cheesecake Factory across the way in the mall" conversation.  Then there's the Old Austin Weirdos With Adult Son, who you know are going to be an issue because the man is wearing a funny hat.

And absolutely everyone is poking on their phones - which I get!  Even during trailers.  Until I start realizing they're probably going to do this when the movie starts.  And, yes, I find a light source in a dark theater wildly distracting.  As I found it when Guy in Hat started doing it immediately as the movie started.  And the guy who sat down a seat down from Jamie who took his shoes off and was barefoot in the theater?  Also on his phone.  

Variety, of all publications, published a pro-texting article this week discussing how to bring people back to theaters.  The answers to this are manifold, and somehow wildly elusive to theater owners and apparently The Youths writing for Variety.

"Sell drugs" was literally number one on their list, and poor Nancy Reagan is probably very cross in the afterlife.  And, look, taking drugs in prep for a movie is not something America has seen as a problem to date.  I can see Gummies being available for your movie-going, but I also understand the overhead of becoming a dispensary.

The pro-texting opinion they gathered was from some bubble-head who clearly doesn't give enough of a shit about movies to have her opinion matter.  Theaters do need to appeal to younger audiences, but it's always curious to me that they seem to want to do the texting thing at the cost of driving away everyone else and establishing an unsustainable model.  You cannot have a theater full of people shining flashlights in the face of people in the dark, full stop (and, no, hunching one's shoulders does nothing to hide the light, but people sure seem to think it creates a shroud of shadow around their screen).   

Oddly, the "sense sensitivity" screenings pitched by Variety are not "everyone has to shut up and watch the movie", ie: for people who are sensitive to flashlights in their face and people talking in their ear.  Instead, the pitch is "how about we leave the lights on and everyone can talk?"  Fair enough!  But can we have screenings where people shut the fuck up?  Is there literally no value put on people sitting with their yaps shut and eyes on a screen by Variety, of all publications?  Or by movie exhibitors?

Anyhow, Nicole, the movie finally started, and the lights went down for a two-count, and then the house lights came all the way on while the movie was starting.  I confess I went into a mad panic as I assumed the film broke.  But some good-hearted soul got up and told the management even as I was putting down my soda to do same.

Just imagine if theaters had ushers and people who kinda watched to make sure everything was going well.  This used to be a job!  And it was back when I was paying $3.50 to get into a movie and therefore attended movies *a lot*.  

The good citizen came back, the lights went down, the theater was now dark.  And for a beat, I thought:  well, Nicole, here is the world of magic you promised.  We're finally here in the dark, watching stories.  

But, no. 

The dark and the movie starting was the cue for *everyone* to start chatting.  

Beside us, behind us, in front of us...  All ages, too.  It was wild.  And I could still hear the loud talkers, who were on the other side of the theater.  And weird guy checked his phone.

A few minutes into the movie, maybe five, absolutely less than ten, we left.  Clearly, nothing was going to improve.  It was somehow going to go downhill from here.  

I aimed to get my money back, but aside from the ineffective woman at the concession stand, there was no staff visible for me to speak to.  I am currently waiting for AMC to email me back and possibly refund my money.  I did not CC you on that message.

Sometimes all I want to do is go see Cate Blanchett be cool and sexy.*  And so it was, I had given money to AMC, your employer.  To do that.  And this is how it went.

I know that in 30 days I can see Cate Blanchett in this movie on my television via streaming for about $7.  Or wait and maybe she'll be streaming for free on Max or something.  But worst case scenario is that, for $4, in a few months, I'll see it on Prime, in my living room, where the only one who will talk is my wife, who is perfect in every way and I do not mind.

Look, Nicole...  going to the movies no longer feels like a magical experience.  I no longer feel I am sharing a communal experience and getting lost in the mystery of images blown up on the big screen and immersive sound creating a world.  It's kind of hard when I give a theater money and then spend so much time before each movie pondering which person in my earshot or line of sight will choose to be an asshat and demonstrate that they see themselves as the main character, and the theater as their living room.

Theaters used to have staff that did things like attend the concession stand, and make sure the men's room had paper towels - it was not an adversarial relationship when one went to buy Milk Duds.  And those staffers noticed there was no carbonation and were able to address it over stretches of many months.  They even - and I remember this! - came through the theater and told people to shut up.  And if you, as an audience member, asked someone to please be quiet, that person might realize they were being too loud.  They did not stare at you like you'd just grown a second head and then want to discuss that second head with their friends.  There was a small chance they would be asked to leave if they continued in their asshattery.

I do not know much better off your business would be if you actually staffed appropriately to the tasks you've created for yourselves, or if you, in any way, demonstrated any ability to manage the environs which I am paying to visit to see the movie.  If I went to the zoo, would I feel it's okay to see dead animals lying in cages?  Because right now I'm seeing dead animals lying in cages and having to wonder why they are dead and why no one thinks this is a problem.  But there are also ads on the cages.

In theory, I want movie theaters to thrive because I love movies.  But as you learn at some point in your life, loving things that are not humans or pets rarely means that thing loves you back - and usually disappoints you.  Right now, I feel like I'm being told by my theaters to spend my money elsewhere even while theaters are complaining no one is coming.  

I can watch 120 years of movies across a panoply of services.  I am good for the next several decades.  Plus, there's stuff like books.  It is not going to matter how good the movies are if seeing movies is a painful experience, while also being lousy ROI.  And it just keeps getting worse.

Sorry to be such a bummer.

Sincerely, your bud,

The Signal Watch

*I am sorry, Nicole, but she is my Australian of choice.  She had me in the first reel of Elizabeth.