The Signal Watch Christmas Gift Guide

Tis the Season For Spending Money.

Thanks to three wise fellows 2000+ years ago overdoing it for their peek at a baby, and the habits of Victorians, every holiday we rack our brains and empty our wallets to make sure Christmas is a consumerist orgy.

But what can you get your loved ones?

Turducken Godzilla

This is a toy that is taking two points from the movie Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire and making it as awesome as possible, even though we do not see this in the movie at all.  

Do I want this?  Yes.  Is it dumb af?  100%.  

Also, think of the fun things that could be emerging from the big Godzilla...  You could put all sorts of things jumping out.

Luxury Gorilla

For the price of a good used car, you can now let people know you wish you worked at Rainforest Cafe.  

Originally conceived with AI, someone said "actually...", figured it out, and then priced it up so that this item will only be owned by lottery winners, irresponsible musicians and professional athletes who think the money will never stop coming.  The gorilla sofa both delights and horrifies.  

Room Cow

Why do we live in a world where all furniture is not shaped like animals?  

The Gorilla Sofa, an idea I fully endorse, is an expensive buy.  Now, the Room Cow is a sensible, pleasing alternative, AND if you got a half dozen of them, you'd have an amazing herd scattered throughout your home.

Highly Breakable Superman

This thing, that looks like something you'd find in a roadside tourist shop in rural Arkansas, is $500.  

It's neat.  If it were closer to, say, $27, I might think "I'll probably break it eventually, but sure".  I don't know anything about crystal or why it's so expensive or why or how they made this.  But here we are.

Anyway, whomever the Swarovski's are, I salute them for making something no one with kids under the age of 15 should buy.

Undead Care Bears

This implies that Care Bears died young and their corpses were used by *somebody* to create all new Care Bears. We can assume accidental murder was involved, and acts that defy God.

Seems like the work of Oopsy Bear.

Dog That Prefers Sabrina Carpenter

This dog is friendly enough, but he would have preferred you picked up Sabrina Carpenter's "Short n' Sweet".