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| I don't think Iceland has fjords... does it? |
Watched: 12/01/2024
Format: Hallmark
Viewing: First
Director: Dustin Rikert
Selection: Jamie
Jamie had (wisely) tapped out early on during the Kansas City Chiefs movie I had rolling whilst doing chores, but she did want to sit down and watch this one. I feel Jamie has really embraced the concept of Hallmark punching above its weight class with some of its movies, and this sure seemed to be one - so... yes, we watched it.
Friends, do you like Indiana Jones movies? Sure, we all do. And so did whomever put this flick together.
In particular, they seemed to like Last Crusade, which this movie references so hard it spoils a major twist in the first few minutes. But if you like Last Crusade, you can at least play Indy bingo, matching up the plot points and characters of The Christmas Quest (2024) to one of the most popular films in human history.
Look, I tip my hat to Hallmark for trying something different - if different is "take bits of Last Crusade and meld them with one of our 'Let's Go Europe' movies of the past few years".
So, ask yourself... What if it wasn't Harrison Ford, but Professor Lacey Chabert? And it wasn't Sean Connery, but Man? What if instead of looking for the Holy Grail, they were looking for a hidden treasure in Iceland in December? At Christmas? That belonged to maybe trolls or something?
And what if, instead of exciting discovery of clues and exciting action, we skimmed that part and instead showed them decorating a tree with a nice, older couple, baking, mixing sodas for fun and eating the entirely questionable foods of our northern brethren (ask me about lutefisk sometime). But...! We've got maps showing travel, we've got X marking a spot, we've got someone protecting the grail Icelandic treasure. We have a guy sponsoring a treasure hunt who may have selfish motives.
Like Indy, Chabert plays a professor who is a treasure hunter on the side, and believes what she finds belongs in museums. Somewhat like Indy, she has an off-screen history of getting into scrapes in adventures around the globe. Unlike Indy, those adventures seem infinitely more interesting than this one we're watching.
Her ex is some sort of academic who has the useful skill of reading Nordic runes, which - despite her PhD and background in all this - Chabert cannot do.
For reasons I cannot begin to fathom, the puzzle this movie tries to solve has twelve separate clues, which would be a real drag to watch someone uncover and solve in a movie. That's a TV-series, but Christmas is only 3 months long at Hallmark. It's unsatisfying that Chabert solves, I think, nine of the puzzles in a montage rather than letting us experience the discovery with her, a la every adventure movie ever. Instead, we see Chabert hanging out in pubs and in a very nice hotel room with a gigantic light fixture that is clearly giving them hell while shooting at night.
Night you say? Well, one would think the darkest part of the year - what with the whole winter solstice thing in the arctic circle - would be dark, wouldn't one? And yet - @#$% you. It is bright sunlight for a lot of the movie.
So, yes, the movie has a bit of adventure movie, but not enough to make the budget balloon. For example - Chabert discovers a "lever" to reveal mystic pillars, but if you want to see that lever, you can go to hell. She's going to push or pull that lever, but it's behind a rock, and not for your eyes. We are not building levers. The art department already built the pillars, and no one really figured this one out ahead of time, I guess.
I know a little Icelandic mythology - like I knew about the giant Yule Cat. Why? I have no idea. But it is a weird and specific bit of mythology the movie makes no attempts to explain, other than "Iceland has a cat for Christmas. It's murdery.".
I did not know about the Lads who are the focus of movie's mythology, which remain barely explained and sort of handwaved at. But when they start talking about angry ogres or giants as mothers, I could fall back on what Norse mythology I know and say "I see, yes". It does make me want to pick up a book on Iceland's Christmas mythology, as it surely gives ol' Krampus a run for his money.
Curiously, the movie is not written by anyone from Iceland, it's all Americans, I believe. But the movie sure is filmed in Reykjavik, and you will delight in the names of the cast and crew going by as Iceland people really know how to put a name together. So the film smartly uses some Icelandic talent who were quite welcome as supporting characters.
Does the ending make sense? Not really. But it's okay. Close enough. I had more questions than answers (who lit those candles? Why don't they ask that question?). But it's Christmas. Why even wonder out loud?
Anyway - the movie is... fine. Chabert may be an amazing actor, but Hallmark was never going to showcase that. At least here she gets to break out of the old Hallmark mold in an a novel way, so good for her - she's having fun and gets some nice wardrobe out of it. I'm not sure a future as an action star is in the cards, but she doesn't seem weird or out of place given the construction of this movie. Man is fine, too. He seems pretty game (and - fun fact - I think he's the guy Diana smiles at at the end of Wonder Woman 1984).
You could do worse. And it's interesting to see Hallmark really branching out, while also clinging to some of their holiday staples.
Jamie did wonder how much money Chabert is pulling down these days as the last huge Hallmark star, and I don't know. I assume she's banking. Maybe I even really hope she's swimming in Hallmark dollars.
By the way, Iceland has 109 fjords, so... yes. It has fjords.
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