New Years Watch: Royal New Year's Eve (2017)

Watched:  01/05/2023

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Monika Mitchell

Select:  Amazon Watch Party group decision

We had folks kind of scattered around Friday evening when K asked if we were doing a watch party, and so we quickly threw together a movie selection with Jamie's family.  So, this was our first watch party that was attended by my father-in-law, who absolutely got what we're up to and joined in.  

Turns out, there are, in fact, Hallmark New Year's movies, and Royal New Year's Eve (2017) is absolutely one of them.  

The movie takes place in the days just prior to Christmas and til midnight on NYE, as a general assistant/ secretary/ gopher at a New York-based fashion magazine meets the prince from a small, apparently very wealthy European country, who is having Christmas and New Year's in New York for some reason, staying in a mansion with his intended - but not official - fiancée (Hayley Sales).  

The set-up is absolute madness.  The magazine Our Hero works for is hosting an NYE party for the Prince (ok, fair enough) - and it's a charity fundraiser.  But there's also the expectation that the Prince (Mad Men's Sam Page) will propose at midnight to his lady friend, as that's some sort of royal tradition?  But somehow no one has really talked about this behind the scenes yet, despite the fact this proposal would be very public?  And historic for the unnamed country?  

I'm not a royals watcher, but I assume that there's months of negotiations in just selecting a suitable date for the soon-to-be King, let alone agreeing this woman is okay.  

Of course the Prince wants to feel what it's like to be not-Royal (which his lady friend can't understand) and so meets Our Hero (Jessy Schram) while he's bopping around New York incognito. They have coffee a few times (this is still a sort of Hallmark holiday movie) and he's wow'd by Starbucks.

The deception goes away quickly, and weirdly there's zero blowback.

Then a few things happen - because movie, I guess - that make no sense at all.  

• The magazine is planning the party *between Christmas and NYE for NYE*
• The editor/ owner of the magazine (Cheryl Ladd, who looks fantastic) wants to set up her daughter as the designer who provides the lady friend with the dress she'll be wearing at the party
• The lady friend isn't that interested in the dresses, but likes what she sees from Our Hero
• Cheryl Ladd decides to ruin the life of Our Hero, put the party at risk and risk international calamity to get the would-be princess into one of her daughter's dresses, but *she's already turned them down*
• Plus, the daughter's only role is to keep insisting she doesn't want her mother's help and this seems crazy
• Rather than take the L for her daughter and *discover* a new talent and just promote her daughter later and elsewhere, Cheryl Ladd decides to put the entire party on Our Hero - for a party that should have been locked down in November at the latest

Usually these movies do one of two things for the soon-to-be-jilted lady friend - they either make the character so awful you don't care if she dies alone or they give her an out of having a possibility at love with some tertiary character.  

This movie chooses to just have her get jilted, her entire life that was aimed at becoming Queen one day thrown out the window, and have her say "gee, this is great.  Happy New Year."  It, Is. In, Sane.

There's one real accent in this movie (our valet) and then our Prince and lady friend, and the King (who absolutely just does a Cliff's Notes version of Coming to America in the last half hour) all faking British accents that change and come and go and it is what it is.  It's like watching a local theater do Sound of Music and opting for British accents instead of Austrian accents to better match Julie Andrews in the film.

Hallmark movies struggle with a chronic problem of wanting to give characters unique artistic gifts that automatically wow the public when Our Hero finally gins up the courage to show their work.  Because part of the fantasy of Hallmark movies is being available, yes, but also a great, secret talent in some form of artistry that the fanbase is pretty sure they'd nail if they gave it a shot.  You know.  Fashion.  Visual arts.  A career in country music.  

The problem with this is that in the dozens and dozens of these movies I've seen, it's clear no one on the crew ever remembers to make the object that is driving the story an object worth noting.  This can range from paintings to window displays to - in this movie - a dress that looks like something from an ice-skating costume and entirely inappropriate for the event.  It's always weirdly mundane and unimpressive.  No one in the art department in Toronto is doing their best work for these movies.

When it's the MacGuffin of the movie, you'd think someone would think about this a bit and get their hands on something good, but...  Man, this dress is weird and bad.  It's like an 8 year old was asked what to wear to a fancy party.

The movie also clearly opted to go Full Royalty and ran to Spirit Halloween to put our Prince and his father in Royal military coats for the final scenes.  And they look *terrible*.  

I have not yet mentioned the roommate/ friend who does all of the work and gets 0% of the credit.  *Because* Our Hero is off making goo-goo eyes at the Prince, and *because* she's been stuck putting together a major international party at the last second (WHO WAS GOING TO DO THAT BEFORE?) her pal "Doris" does all the work.  All. Of. Ir.  But the movie wants to make us believe it was all Our Hero. 

Also, no one in the movie can say "Doris".  I thought her name was "Doors" or "Dorce" for most of the movie.

Anyway, shocker, the movie isn't very good.  It isn't offensively bad unless you want to dig entirely into the unintended subtext, but we won't go there.  

I hope our viewing sent Cheryl Ladd some money.