Watch Party Watch: Birdemic III - Sea Eagle (2022)

Watched:  02/10/2023

Format:  Amazon Watch Party

Viewing:  First

Director:  James Nguyen

You can't really write about a Birdemic movie as a movie.  You could, I guess.  But what's the point?

A Birdemic film is an experience.  It's there to make you ask an infinite number of questions like: why?  So many "why's?".  So many "what's?".  And "how's?"

Jamie, Steanso and I attended what was one of the very earliest public screenings of the original Birdemic,  It was during a period where I wasn't blogging, so there isn't a record, I guess.  But I do have a record of seeing the sequel.  

That first screening was a profoundly weird experience.  We'll podcast it or something at some point.  But the point is:  Nguyen made the first film completely sincerely as one part sincere romance, one part Hitchcock homage, one part semi-Googled climate catastrophe film.  Nguyen rose to fame during Sundance when he drove to the film festival and drove up and down the main street blasting the sounds of sea gulls out of a mini-van with fake seagulls glued to the outside.  There was a screening in a local bar when curious gawkers finally asked what the hell he was doing.  I'd heard about it, so when the movie was coming to Austin, you bet your ass I went to see it.

It wound up becoming a hipster activity to go and see the movie with Nguyen there for Q&A's.  This went on for a couple of years.  Then, some party gave Nguyen some money to go make a sequel.  This time he indicated he was in on the joke, but I can tell you, from the Q&A - he kind of was not. 

It's fine.  I watch a healthy number of films, and I'm pretty sure if you have me $30K and said "good luck" you'd get similar, no matter how sincere my efforts.  However, the budget to the sequel is listed at $300K.  

It's been 10 years since that sequel, and I'll be honest - I wondered what James Nguyen was up to.  I have no idea.  But he was not studying up on how one makes a movie.

Nguyen did launch an Indiegogo to finance the three-quel, but apparently received about $570.  

This movie picks up some time after the first film, does not acknowledge the second, and lacks Nathalie, who was sort of the fizz in the Topo Chico bottle that was the first movie.  The jump in technology in the ensuing decade should have made shooting something on the cheap far easier, but instead, seems to have given Nguyen all new ways to now know what he's doing.  For the first time, I had to ask:  is this intentional?  But after three minutes of wildly unbalanced shots and I think Dug pointing out he was likely shooting multi-cam via multiple smart phones, the harsh reality of what we were about to see settled in.

You can't really prepare for these movies, because they will find new and exciting ways to confound the viewer while also retaining the insanity of the first two films, which your brain will refuse to hang onto in a meaningful way because dealing with madness is hard.  Both prior films spent a good 1/2 of the movie establishing a romance - no folding it into the A Plot for Nguyen.  But also, we'd receive some environmental awareness messaging to establish the "why?" of the second, thrilling portion of the movie where birds explode into balls of fire after kamikaze dives into hatchbacks.  This movie ups that portion to a full 2/3rds of the runtime, with endless opportunity for our characters (Evan and Kim) to learn all the ways that humans are giving whales and seals cancer.

Evan and Kim are played by two people who I am sure are lovely humans IRL, but may not have received the direction they needed with somewhat limited acting backgrounds.  My assumption is that Nguyen wanted a lot of angles and takes, and if he heard the dialog repeated back to him, good enough. The sun is only up so long, and that's his only lighting source.  Kubrick he is not.

We're still on the "say the dialog exactly as written" tip that gave so much flavor to the first movie, and left every character sounding somewhere between an AI chatbot and Nguyen himself.  If the actors ever knew how to act, walk, or act like normal humans and not NPC's in a 1997 videogame, there's no indication of that here.

Shots exist that are seemingly utterly unmotivated, and they just go on and on. And on.  Driving.  Walking.  Standing there in silence.  Dancing like no one is watching.  Protesting climate change on a weird loop while no one looks on.*

Former Birdemic lead, Rod (played by Alan Bagh) shows up with a new love interest 3/4ths of the way in literally out of nowhere, and he more or less saves the skin of the other actors and the movie.  At this point, he's like "Jesus, another bird attack.  Well, get the hangers."  

Notable is that when Nguyen has an opportunity to say how we could fix the climate crisis, he has an Elon Musk stand-in walk up to the couple (in front of a whale skeleton?) and explain how nanotechnology and space elevators will be what saves us.  which is to say:  (a) Nguyen's messiah is the guy who bought twitter solely to be dickish and spend his time trolling well-meaning dorks and (b) he, himself, has no concept of how to end climate change and did not Google it before writing his script.  

Now, 12 years after the first Birdemic, Nguyen seems to have little to no interest in his female characters.  And he seems perhaps jaded about romance.  But he does still seem to like a good motel room get-away romp.

I can't explain the movie.  I've now watched three of these, and in the world of Tommy Wiseau's, Neil Breens and now countless other auteurs, he still manages to produce a singular type of film.  This one may be smaller and way off balance in the romance/ ecological lecturing/ thriller portion, but that's just one more mystery of the man's oeuvre.  Long may he reign.

*there's no small allegory in that as our actual climate does change and who knows what happens in our seas, the only place you'll find someone passionately discussing this who isn't a small Swedish girl is a Birdemic film where they make it so annoying, you're good with Earth ending