Halloween Costumes for The Ladies - 2017 edition

The past decade or so, the Halloween costume industry had really doubled-down on the idea of "sexy" iterations of popular culture characters and icons, often gendered flipped for women.  I was a bit unclear who was buying, say, Sexy Thomas The Tank Engine, but they had so many of these costumes up for grabs, I assumed there were phenomenal Halloween parties happening all over the place with Sexy Pac-Mans and Sexy Lassie, and I was simply not on the guest list.

Here's the last time I looked into this, way, way back in 2011 (my, how the sands of time move more quickly).  Offerings included Sexy Clockwork Orange, Sexy RoboCop and - most baffling - Sexy Michael Meyers. 

I am not kidding.

Well, flashforward to 2017, and that trend seems to have slowed.  A quick perusal of Halloween costumes will tell you that there are still plenty of "flirty" or "Sexy" costumes, but not no much with licensed characters that were never intended to draw the gaze in quite that way.  Well, at least they no longer require mini-skirts and prodigious decolletage.

But let's start with my favorite costume I've seen this year.

Barb.  From Stranger Things. 

The great thing about going as Barb is that it looks pretty comfortable, but everyone will still love you and know exactly who you're supposed to be.



French fries.  From:  Lunch.

I'm a big fan of dumb food-item costumes.  This one is particularly goofy and therefore funny.

A Loofah.  From:  Jamie's shelf in the shower.

I cannot imagine that this will not lead to widespread chafing.  You are on your own, Halloween shoppers.

Ladies' Optimus Prime.  from:  The Transformers franchise

No.  No one is going to know what the hell you're supposed to be.  I'm sorry.  This is also clearly someone trying to force a sexy costume upon the least sexy of licenses, and with a no-mini-skirt mandate.  Not since Lady RoboCop have we seen such a grave miscalculation.

Ladies' Patriot Costume.  From:  A gender-flipped imagined history of 18th Century America.

I mean, if you're going to gender-flip and go sexy, why not show up as George Washington?  I actually think this looks kind of cool in a super-hero-y kind of way.  But, mostly:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident - That all men are created equal"
And when I meet Thomas Jefferson - I’mma compel him to include women in the sequel

The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.  From: Ghostbusters (1984)

There seems to be some acknowledgement that the brain cannot begin to make The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man fun and flirty, and you do kind of just wind up looking like a sailor, or maybe a Donald Duck enthusiast.

Still, who doesn't like the Stay--Puft Marshmallow Man?

Taco.  From:  My Lunch/ Dinner/ occasional breakfast/ Taco Time/ Taco Tuesdays

Not exactly racist on its face, the addition of the sombrero is what pushes this one into "make grandma talk quieter at the restaurant" territory.  The costume manufacturers really couldn't help themselves.  Could have been a dash of guac, maybe a chip up top.  But no, we had to go with the sombrero.

However, if sold as "sombrero shaped tortilla warmer hat" we may have an uncomfortable compromise.

Tina.  From:  Bob's Burgers

As Tina is one of the great features of American television in our current era, I support this costume, even if it just looks like an English Major cosplay outfit.

Yoshi.  From:  Various Nintendo stuff

This is a fetish for someone.