Tis' the Season for Food Porn

The holidays are coming up very soon.  I'm sorry if this is the first you've heard of this, but Thanksgiving will occur this month, and then it'll be Christmas.  So, yeah, we're in that stretch.

Over the weekend the first holiday catalogs arrived.  An NFL merchandise catalog (with every item imaginable with your team's logo emblazoned upon it), an Oriental Trading catalog (cheap crap from The mysterious East, I suppose), and a Mrs. Fields catalog (oh, that sultry mistress of preservative-laden cookie goodness).

At League HQ, these catalogs are referred to as "food porn".  Unlike the NFL catalog and Oriental Trading catalog, this catalog will not receive just a perfunctory glance to see what freak-show items we can find.  Instead, this catalog will find a place on the coffee table for a few weeks so that, upon occasion, I can gaze upon the perfectly lit bouquets of delicious, snacky treats and indulge in dreams of what it would be like to have an endless supply of cookies.

mmmm...  cookies

It isn't just cookie catalogs that will be hoarded.  Indeed, the Hickory Farms catalog is really my favorite.  The photographers and editors of the Hickory Farms catalog are masters of their craft, assembling an amazing array of cheeses and sausages and all sorts of things that are death bombs of the American diet.  All those cheeses and their creamy, salty goodness, tucked betwixt savory, delicious sausages in that festive holiday packaging?  But, gosh darn, if they don't make that stuff look appealing.

oh, baby

This year the catalogs will be as close to much of this food as I am likely to get.  At 6'5" and roughly the weight of a small Buick, your faithful blogger is trying to become a slightly smaller blogger.  Apparently losing height isn't an option, so we're going for reducing circumference.  The doctor says I'm less likely to keel over if I'm not sitting down and consuming an entire crate of Oreos in one sitting, and as I'd like to live long enough to bury my enemies, I figure I'd better start to do something about it.

Fortunately, having a catalog on your coffee table does not mean you have immediate access to an amazing array of meats and cheeses or beautifully wrapped cookies.  So...  I'll hang onto my food porn and ponder a moderated diet throughout the holidays, and I hope one of you out there will do me a favor and eat a beef stick for me.